Friday, December 30, 2011

Identity: I am not...

Early this afternoon I had stepped outside to take a picture of the Party Tree in its faded not summer (one of the two seasons in central Texas, the other being summer) glory. As I turned, I saw a stark contrast on the porch between sunlight and shadow. I snapped a quick photo (color, landscape). A few minutes later, on my way to meet a friend at Chuys, it struck me that I had missed an opportunity, how I ought to have framed the shot (black and white, zoomed in, portrait).

This happens to me quite a bit. A real photographer would have seen this immediately and captured it, probably shooting at least a half dozen frames-- even with a phone camera.

After visiting Justin's family after Chuys (and incidentally capturing a couple of pics of gorgeous clouds near sunset from his yard), I noticed several scenes on the way home-- including a stunning swath of bare trees silhouetted against a beautiful, vestigial sunset). In each case, I briefly toyed with hitting the brakes on the empty, country road and backing up for the shot. In each case, I didn't so much reject the idea as simply note its passing, and continue on my way.

This happens to me a lot, too. A real photographer would have stopped, backed up, hoped nobody came over the hill, popped up through the moon roof, and captured the moment. Many would have made plans to return the next day (and the next, as many as needed) with a Real Camera[tm] to capture it properly.

My identity is not defined by who or what I am not, but by who and what I am. But it can be helpful to know who and what you are not, if only so you don't waste time, money or energy on trying to be that person.

I like taking pictures. Or, technically, most of the time I should say I like capturing visual imagery on digital media; I seldom use film any more. I sometimes plan to have a camera (at least my phone) handy. I sometimes recognize the moments or images to capture in time to do so.

I don't think and see the world like a photographer. I have photographer friends. They frequently (perhaps always) see the world through a lens, even if they don't have a camera in their hands. In fact, if you locked them up in Gitmo the rest of their lives, where they saw a camera only from the business end on the other side of the razor wire, they would still view life through a lens. A real photographer is, in my experience, wired that way.

I usually take one photo and either use it or don't. I sometimes post poor photos, noting either the crappy camera quality in the phone, or my lack of technique. A real photographer would have several pictures to choose from, and either toss the junk, or if they saw value in it, give it a name and make no apologies.

I've always intended to get a decent camera. I bought a pretty good one years ago for my wife and myself, but she got much better at using it than I did. I bought her a nice, if basic, Sony camera when the film camera died. But somehow there's always something I want more (music gear, for instance) than that camera. No photographer would ever think that way.

I still don't know everything the phone in my camera does after six months.

I mostly take pictures to share a moment or image with others; with my visual memory I don't need photos for me (although I like them). I strive to improve at photography-- but I'll never be a real photographer. I'm fine with that. I know who and what I am. Nobody (not even Chuck Norris!) can be the best at everything. I'm best at being me, so that's who I'll be.

And I'll continue taking pictures, posting and commenting on them, and occasionally blaming the camera or my technique. It's all good.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Christmas vs Winter Holiday: Grudge Match!

Is it Christmas? Or is it just a winter holiday? Let's delve into this.

First off, what's a holiday? Let's see what Messrs. Merriam & Webster have to say.

1 : holy day
2 : a day on which one is exempt from work; specifically : a day marked by a general suspension of work in commemoration of an event
3 chiefly British : vacation —often used in the phrase on holiday —often used in plural
4 : a period of exemption or relief

To begin with, it's somewhat ironic that those objecting to the name "Christmas" as offensive because it "imposes religion" turn around and use a word that means (per M&W again) "a day set aside for special religious observance". Oops.

Clearly Christmas fits the first definition. Then there's the second definition (which Christmas fits into for most of us in North America and large parts of Europe, at least), which applies but has no religious connotation, per se.

It turns out that Christmas is a winter holiday; you can call it either one.

But Christmas is a specific winter holiday, meant to celebrate a specific event (Christ's birth). It has, of course, other meanings as well; the giving of gifts can mean all sorts of things, depending on what you believe and feel. The rampant consumerism, the insanity of shopping, the demand for more and more from Santa, the competitiveness of out-giving to the point of going into massive debt... these have nothing to do with Christ at all. They are simply what humans in an unfettered, western, capitalistic society have made of this day. Most of these (along with parties, decorating and the food) are fine if they are not taken to excess. They can be Christian or not, depending on who you are and why you do them. They can work for everyone.


I have something to say to both sides of this debate. The short answer is that it's (at best) very foolish to be having such arguments, especially to the point of acrimony, never mind going to court over it.


Christians: It is utterly irrelevant what anyone else calls it. The Jews don't celebrate Christmas; they celebrate Hanukkah. Are they or their faith or their relationship with God in any way lessened by the fact that you and I (and the Muslims and atheists and Buddhists and...) don't celebrate Hanukkah, that most non-Jews can't even pronounce it correctly? No! So why should we and our faith get our panties in a wad if someone else (gasp!) doesn't want to call it Christmas and celebrate the way we do? (Which celebrations, I note, are found nowhere in the Bible.)

Next, and this applies to far more than Christmas, why on earth should we expect non-Christians to get excited about Christian holidays? Unless and until they have a relationship with God, why would they care? That's like expecting a cat lover to get excited about a pit pull in their yard. (If you like both, great. Work with me.)

It's not offensive to me if someone calls it a winter holiday, Hanukkah, X-mas, or anything else. That's between them and God. I don't need to get offended for him.

Finally, dear Christians, let us remember the two great commandments. Everything we do needs to flow out of those. Love God. Love your neighbor as yourself. Our celebration of Christmas should bless everyone around us, not alienate them. We can not (and must not try to) make them enjoy it.


For those who get offended by the word, "Christmas"... you need to ask yourself, "Why?" If you get offended because of someone else's belief, that's not their problem, it's yours. And so long as they aren't trying to force you into anything with it, if it bothers you that much, then it is a problem, and you need to find out why and work on it.

It's Christmas. It's a Christmas tree. They are what they are. Now, frankly, I don't care what you call them. If it's really a statement of faith for you to not call them by that name, that's fine. It honestly doesn't bother me in the least (though I find it a bit odd in those who claim no religion). But it shouldn't bother you if I call it Christmas and wish you a merry Christmas. Take it in the spirit it's given. I will. When you wish me a happy holiday, I don't go into a funk because you didn't call it Christmas. I go, "Thanks! You, too!" and I mean it.


I'm not going to shop or not shop somewhere based on whether they have signs that say "Christmas", "X-mas" or "holiday" in the window. I'm not going to live somewhere or not live somewhere because the courthouse does or doesn't have a nativity scene.

Celebrate what you want to. Or don't celebrate. But don't demand anyone else do the same. In either direction.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Moroccan Lullaby

Sitting out in the gorgeous, fall Texas weather for lunch, the flavor and scent of my Moroccan beef stew takes me back to meals cooked over camel dung fires by gracious Bedouins...

I'd gone to north Africa seeking World War II relics since demand was up and supplies were down. A friend of a friend of a distant relative told me of lost Nazi weapons cached in abandoned outposts. My niece, Desiree Rose, loved to travel and had just graduated high school, so she went with me.

The bus ride along the coastal plains from Tangier to Rabat was wonderful. We knew a little French; between that, hand gestures and drawing in my journal, we swapped introductions and stories with those around us, mostly locals. On the road from Rabat to Casablanca, we stopped in the middle of nowhere, presumably to take on passengers. A half dozen masked men with pistols, carbines and knives got on. They demanded identification from everyone. When they saw our US passports, their eyes lit up. Blindfolded, hands zip tied behind us, Des and I were marched off the bus. We never saw our wallets or passports again.

Our captors led us, stumbling, across dunes toward the sea. We ended up on the beach, breakers mocking us as they crashed, wild and free, onto the shore. We were shoved into the back of a truck. A couple of rides and hikes later, we were given something to eat and drink. Apparently it was drugged.

I woke up with the mother of all headaches to swaying and clacking, a demonic train horn piercing my ears, squeezing my skull. After a while I could think clearly and croaked Desiree's name. She croaked something back. We wiggled around on the floor until our hands were at each others' heads and got the masks off. I talked Des through getting a key out of my pocket and walked her through releasing my zip tie; then I released hers.

We had no idea how long we'd been unconscious except that we were starving (yet queasy) and thirsty. We drank from the sink. As I opened the curtains to look out the window Des noted the train was slowing. A sign flew by; we were entering Marrakesh. We tensed up as voices approached in the corridor, but they continued past the door and faded. We had no idea who or where our kidnappers were. Des locked the door. The train slowed more. I opened the window.

We stopped jerkily, the horn blowing repeatedly. Probably someone or something on the tracks. We were on the outskirts of Marrakesh. With nobody in sight close by, I went out the window and helped Des down. Just before we made it around a corner I heard a shout and a shot. Stone splinters splattered a foot above my head. We ran.

Fifteen long minutes later, winded, weary and wary, we found ourselves on the edge of town. It was late in the afternoon. We decided to hide in the desert until after dark. It was mid-day. Fortunately we still had our hooded jackets. We were sweating like pigs, but we wouldn't burn.

An hour after sunset, we wished we had something to burn. The desert cools quickly once the sun goes down. Just as we decided to start the trek back to the city, howling somewhere ahead of us froze us in our tracks. Morocco has jackals. Did it have wolves? Neither of us knew, but we heard several canine voices, and they seemed to be drifting closer. We headed away from the city.

The howls tracked us all night. By morning, exhausted, we found some rock formations with a shallow cave. We dragged rocks up to make a wall and collapsed as the sun came up. Late in the day I awoke to find a small fox staring at me. Somehow I managed to kill it with a rock before it got away. Raw fox is nasty, but we were desperate. We didn't just thank God for the food, we prayed for our health. We felt rather less hungry, but only slightly less thirsty. We set out before sundown, carrying stones, hoping for another fox, or even a jackal. Out of all my nieces, I thanked God Des was with me. I don't think any of the others would have handled things quite as well.

By dark, we could see lights in the distance; those had to be Marrakesh. We started that way. A couple of hours later, sloughing over a sand dune, we stopped. There was a fire. There were tents and camels. Men, women and children. Men with rifles. Hands up, starving, we called out and stumbled down through the sand.

As we got closer, rifles were lowered, and hands reached out to help us. Soon we were sitting on a hairy, skin rug of some sort, eating goat and drinking thick, rich coffee. Our Bedouin hosts asked nothing until we, and they, had finished eating. One of them spoke broken English, and called for our story. I looked at Des. She arched her painstakingly sculpted eyebrows, grinned slightly and shrugged.

I took a chance, and told them our whole story. Abduallah translated. When done, they asked questions, then introduced themselves. They were the Al-Sabal amm, a lesser branch of the Bani Khalid tribe, but well known and respected. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Abd Al-Sabal explained that kidnapping was common at the moment, and offered to let us travel with them. Only then did we realize they were breaking camp. They preferred to travel longer distances by night, navigating by the stars.

I won't say much about traveling by camel except to note that Des tired of it almost as quickly as I did. It was a week or so before we truly got used to it.

Abduallah explained that we had probably heard golden jackals. We'd have likely been perfectly safe heading back to Marrakesh. I noted that safety from jackals didn't mean safety from kidnappers. Abduallah grinned. Now we were heading away from Marrakesh, more or less east. The Shaykh said they would hand us off to a group headed northeast toward the coast in two days.

I've always loved moonrise, no matter the time of day or night, but moonrise over the desert is my favorite. Tonight the moon was just past full, a huge, brilliant orange disk on the horizon as we crested a hill. I saw Desiree's face light up. I asked what she was thinking. She laughed and remarked how boring home life was and how much larger the moon seemed here. We were both strangely content.

Pitching their tents was easy for the Bedouins, trickier for us. They left is to our own dwelling, never quite laughing in our presence. We finally finished a half hour after everyone else. We collapsed and fell asleep long before it got too hot.

That night, using rifles borrowed from the Shaykh, Des and I each killed a wolf. Having little else to give, we gave the skins and meat to the Shaykh as gifts, since he insisted we owed him nothing. He beamed and had his wife, Noora, give us kufiyya. Throughout Arab and middle eastern culture this is traditionally male headgear, but the Al-Sabal all wore them. When I asked why, Abduallah smiled and gave me a non-answer. Whatever the reason, the women here were treated far more equally than I'd seen elsewhere. A couple of them carried rifles, which is Des had been offered one.

We met up with the Al-Saribn at an oasis. The Shaykhs talked at length, looking at us every now and then. Muhammad waved Abduallah over. After a moment he called for us. The new Shaykh, Labad ibn Abu Al-Saribn, bowed and smiled. Muhammad wore an odd expression. Abduallah explained that the Al-Saribn would be happy to take us to Jerada, near the coast, if his son could wed my niece. Seeing Desiree's expression, I immediately bowed low and apologized, explaining that she was already sworn to another. Des managed not to bust out laughing, rightly guessing I meant Jesus. I added that we apologized for bothering them, and would be happy to walk to the coast.

This, of course, was patently absurd to everyone and Muhammad roared with laughter. Labad asked through Abduallah what else we might have as payment. Muhammad broke in, noting that he'd given us rifles (a surprise to us!) and that we were expert shots. Labad's group had suffered several deaths the past year and needed more hunters. If we could do our share to keep pots filled, they would take us. We thanked Muhammad profusely. He then presented me with a khanja-- the traditional, curved knife carried by Bedouin men. Noora presented Des with one as well, drawing glares from some of Labad's people.

Despite a much longer time with Labad's tribe, we never felt as close to anyone there as as we had with Muhammad's people. Labad's were more traditional, and prouder. I think they were still a bit miffed that Des was "spoken for" as well; her beauty is obvious in any culture. Then again, they seemed mildly annoyed that she was a hunter, nevermind a good one. She took off her kufiyya while we were with them; this seemed to help a bit.

Despite never feeling fully accepted, we ate like royalty. I haven't had many meals better than those cooked in huge, copper pots over camel dung fires-- especially Moroccan beef stew, goat milk cheesecake with pomegranate syrup, mysterious wines and thick coffee. To my great surprise, I even liked snake. The Bedouins refused to eat it and seemed somewhat in awe of us for eating it. Neither Des nor I intended to eat the thing, but we were in a fey mood under a full moon, and dared each other into it.

We spent weeks crossing the desert and hills of Morocco. By the time we neared Jerada, Des and I were lean and tough, with darkened faces and hands. The seats of our jeans were nearly worn through from riding camels. We smelled like the camels. We smelled like last year's locker room. We smelled like burning camel dung. We wanted to burn our clothes.

Along the way to Jerada, Des and I had killed fifteen of the red foxes common to the area. We made a nice cape as a present for Burin, Labad's son. When we got to Jerada, Burin insisted on providing us with clean Bedouin clothing. We thanked the group, especially Labad and Burin. We gave them our rifles as gifts, bowed, and went in search of somewhere to bathe, thankful we still had a few Moroccan darahim and a few US dollars. After bathing and eating, we had about ten dollars between us. That wasn't going to do much.

Late in the day we met some Oxford college students heading to Oran in Algeria. Over a beer they told us their adventures (including being chased out of town by a khanja wielding snake charmer after Owen took him up on a bet he wouldn't touch the cobra; when Owen had discovered that the snake's mouth was sewn shut, he couldn't quit laughing, infuriating the charmer). Upon hearing our story and plight, the students offered us a ride to Oran. About then we watched a local bus plow into their car across the street. So much for Plan A.

I came down with a fever that night. I mostly remember dreaming of Labad asking for Desiree as wife to his whole tribe (including the women), and turning into a cobra when we said no. He sewed my mouth shut and made me dance to his flute and live in a basket. I dreamed this over and over. I vaguely remember waking up now and them in a car. Des pretty much just kept wet cloths on my face and slept the whole trip, so neither of us is sure how we crossed the border without passports. For that matter, the old, English couple who drove us never asked or gave names. They saw Des trying to deal with me in a feverish state, and offered a ride and penicillin. She said they were sweet, silly, in love, and very mysterious. They called each other Tommy and Tuppence, but Tuppence, at least, seems an unlikely name.

The fever broke the day we hit Oran; thankfully nobody else had gotten sick. Our host and hostess bought us supper and asked about our plans. We told them we planned to swim to Italy, but if we had to, we might work our way across on a ship. We never did learn anything else about them; it's strange owing a life debt and not knowing who to pay. They went in search of their hotel and we went in search of the docks.

The first ship we came to was surrounded by hostile, lean, Africans with scorpion tattoos and AK-47s. We kept going. We'd passed a number of men selling weapons out of crates on the way to the docks and saw similar crates coming off this ship. Des recognized the Somali flag flying over the prow. They were pirates, or close enough it didn't matter. We kept our distance and our eyes open. It was probably good we didn't look like westerners any more.

A few minutes later, I realized we were being followed. Two men from the Somali ship had taken an interest in us. Moving into a crowd, we hid behind some boxes and got behind our pursuers-- well behind them. When they gave up and headed back to the ship, we helped move cargo from another ship to get closer. We never found out what they were up to, because a Zodiac from their ship roared up to the dock next to us. Several men got out, looked arrogantly around, and carried a heavy box onto the dock and off into the crowd.

The salt air was suddenly thick with irony. Des and I looked at each other, grinned like thieves, jumped into the pirates' Zodiac, and headed out. We found plenty of gas, a hidden satchel full of various local African currencies, fish on ice, wine and water. The night air tasted more delicious with each passing moment. I cut the motor for a few minutes as we collapsed, laughing, in the boat. We hugged and cried, laughed some more, looked nervously around for pirates, and got moving again along the coast. By daybreak we were at the port in Algiers.

At Bizerte we waved goodbye to Africa, heading across the water to Marsala. We followed the coast around Sicily, around Italy's boot, to somewhere near Vlore in Albania, and up the coast to near Durres. Lacking passports, we beached in a secluded spot and hiked several miles into Durres. We stayed with missionaries I had met on a previous trip, not burdening them with our story or lack of papers. They were obviously curious, and I felt rude not explaining. But if we were arrested, I didn't want them in trouble.

Des and I both found normal civilization strange. The rooms David and Valbona had provided were simple, but after living in the desert and on the sea for almost two months, they seemed fancy, complex, and almost like a trap. Rather than climb into the confines of a bus or taxi, we hitched a ride in the back of a lorry to Tirane. We bought gas and lunch for the driver, so after he unloaded his machine parts he took us into town. Still mildly paranoid, we asked him to let us off a mile away from our destination.

Tirane! It felt like home. We walked through familiar streets in the mid-afternoon sunlight, reveling in the shade of trees we knew the names of. We stopped three times for macchiatos (espressos with milk or cream). We bought ice cream cones at our favorite Allucare, but sadly our friend was home with a sick child. At the Qendra Stefan, we had burgers and fries, Cokes, and hugs. We explained that our passports had been stolen; since they knew us, they gave us rooms, anyway, and one of them took some of our recently acquired darahim to exchange for lek (the local currency) . Des slept a day, went dancing with Peter from the hotel staff most of the night, then slept the second day. I blamed my recent illness for the fact that I slept two days straight.

Over the next few days, we met several times with US officials, proving who we were, telling our story, filing police reports, retelling our story, filling out forms, paying fees, retelling our story. The rest of the time we slept, visited our friends, and ate. We gained back a little of the weight we'd lost in the desert. Genti and the Ray of Light Church family threw us a huge party, with food, music and fireworks. Genti and Eviola took us shopping for clothes and toiletries. Chris and Fjo Brent cooked for us, and we took them out to eat, along with their son and pet monkey.

We slept and ate a lot.

We got our passports. We got plane tickets. We gave most of the leftover money to Genti to and to the Romas. Chris and Fjo drove us to the airport. We gave them some money for gas and "a taxi tip". We hugged them about ten times each, and kept slipping the money back and forth into each others' pockets. An hour later, we were in the air. The two hour layover in Munich turned into four, as usual. Once on the trans-Atlantic flight, the walls on the planes kept closing in, so we shunned the food and movies and slept. Breakfast in La Guardia... McDonalds tasted as bad as I remembered. Five hours later, we were finally back in Austin. When we got outside the terminal, I dropped and kissed the ground. Des pretended she had a video camera. She said it was a great cheesy movie moment, and she'd put it the imaginary video on youtube. We made some phone calls and grabbed a taxi. We were home.


That was a few months ago. But I can still smell and taste the Moroccan beef stew. The stew here isn't bad, but-- weird as it may sound-- it just doesn't taste right without the smell of a camel dung fire. And I desperately want an Albanian macchiato. I wonder if Des is ready for another trip.

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Djembe Fever Dreams

All my life I wished I could play drums. Several times drummer friends decided to teach me, and almost immediately gave up, telling me to stick to guitar (which I did, and do, love playing). I enjoyed tapping out rhythms on desks and tables with my hands, and thought I was pretty good. I tried bongos and congas a few times over the years, but I was very tentative, and when it didn't just work, I gave up. Again, what little feedback I got was negative. People even hushed me when I tapped on tables. Clearly I couldn't drum, and never would.

Well past the age people normally take up new instruments, I visited a church-related small group (called KISS) in Pam Rose's house in San Marcos. When I walked in the door, two people were playing guitar, several were playing various drums. Fifteen or so people were singing (or whistling!) At some point pretty early I started tapping on the trunk Pam uses for a coffee table. After a minute or two, someone handed me a drum. It was a wild night with intense drumming-- for a while the drums lead the worship. I played that drum between my knees, in my lap, against my chest, over my face, all sorts of ways. Worship was off the charts. I think all we did was worship for about two hours. My hands and arms were sore. It was awesome.

The KISS team gave me freedom and encouragement-- especially Pam and Desiree Rose, Jo Anderson, and Ashley Wellman.

I went to Kiss about twice a month for nearly a year, and played a drum at least half those times. That's the extent of my drumming education and learning to play percussion for worship. (Well, that and listening to the beat for thousands and thousands of hours of music, and beating on tables, desks, whatever was handy. Actually playing a drum is different, though; it hits back, as it were.)

As a result of what I got at KISS, I played percussion in some capacity for 8 or 10 worship services in Albania (djembe, egg and wall-- yes, a wall). I played congas at AHOP in Austin with the band, Patterson. I find myself playing djembe with the worship team for our congregation (True Life Fellowship in Round Rock).

This is just one of the many huge blessings these four ladies have been in my life, but I wanted to point out just one of the differences they have made, not just in me, but for everyone that has impacted. They have no idea how excited True Life is to have drums again. Albania was a Big Deal. And they are very, very responsible. So, ladies, thank you ever so much for being you and loving me, letting me be me, even encouraging that.


When I first told Ashley all this, her response was, "I never suspected you weren't a drum player before you came to KISS!!!! Seriously, you've got rhythm, and I'm just so excited that God made one of your dreams come true!!!"

Wow. Me, too!

All of us have the power to encourage or discourage. I'm not down on anyone. I am, however, greatly appreciative of the people who love and encourage me. I encourage you to look for the gold in people, and help them mine it to become all God made them to be. Encourage those around you. The word "encourage" means "to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence". Give those around you the courage to be themselves, to chase their dreams.

And don't give up on your dreams!. Go for it, even if people aren't encouraging you, even if they are discouraging you. Encourage yourself. Be brave. Just do it. Don't worry what people think. Do your best. Have fun with it. There may be a handful of people in all of history who looked back on their lives and wished they hadn't chased their dreams; I assure you there are many, many more who look back and wish they had.

Whether it's playing percussion, rescuing orphans, or building an auto racing empire, be one of the people who looks back and says, "Wow! I did it! What a great ride! Now what do I want to do?"

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Evil-o-ween? Whatever.

At least twice this week someone's Facebook status has raised the spectre of the true origins of the day we call Hall-o-ween, and whether human sacrifice was involved. Here are my thoughts.

I've heard about Hall-o-week starting out as a pagan holiday with human sacrifices, as well as the evil origins of trick or treat, for years. I've heard all sorts of other stuff, with various levels of contradiction. I don't know who to believe, and I frankly don't care. (Gasp!)

I don't care, in terms of what happens today, what it meant to people thousands of years ago. I don't care about the origins of trick or treat. I don't care about the origins of costumes.

I have to admit, I wouldn't mind knowing, because I like knowing things. I like understanding.. But (a) I don't really trust most people writing for the public to really know and be honest, because it's so polarized and (b) it wouldn't impact my view of it today. I expect that somewhere there's historically accurate, unbiased research or records. But that's not what gets bandied about.

I quit worrying about whether the rapture will occur as described in Revelation, and whether it's pre, mid, post, or trans-trib. I get to be with God forever and that's good enough! I quit worrying whether "once saved always saved" is correct. What matters is, "Are you right with God? If so, yay! If not, why not! Get right!" If I don't worry about these "weighty, theological matters", the "true history" behind knocking on doors in a costume asking for a treat isn't going to make me break a sweat.

"But Miles! It's a threat! Give us a treat or we'll play a dirty trick!" Um, no. Sorry. Again, regardless of the origins, this isn't what most people are out doing. You could make a much better case against it based on fostering an entitlement mentality, but that doesn't seem to be most peoples' issue with it.

Just as going to Church doesn't make one a Christian, dressing up and going door to door asking for treats, or handing out treats at your house, doesn't make one a Druid, Satanist, or backslider. Even assuming Anton Lavey was correct in calling Hall'o'ween was the high, unholy day of the year for Satanists. (I'm sure it was for his branch, since he declared himself "high priest.)

Then there's the idea that there are still all sorts of human sacrifices by Satanists today. I don't buy it. And I say that as someone who was, for a while, a Satanist. The devil's biggest weapons are lies, fear and confusion. He's a loser., and we too often credit him with far more power than he has-- thus giving him the power we fear. My God is infinitely bigger than this pathetic, would-be usurper. Would he love to have lots of human sacrifices? Sure. But-- at least in the USA-- I don't know of any real evidence of this.

Let me clarify. There are plenty of human sacrifices. But they're not made directly to Satan, and if they occur on October 31 at night, it's only because that's when they happened to happen. These sacrifices are to subtler, everyday gods such as Greed, Power, and Hatred. You can find these human sacrifices everywhere-- on the MX/US border, in the inner city, in houses of prostitution, in semi trailers with corpses in the desert, on the battlefield,and in children crying, terrified someone they once trusted will come into their bedroom again. These bother me infinitely more than questions around Hall-o-ween.

If they bother you, don't celebrate it! Turn off your porch light. Go to a church having a Reformation Day or All Saints Eve service. Sacrifice a pumpkin and bake a pie or three. Fill up your tub with hot water, get the beverage of your choice, and read a book.

Or, leave the light on, give out treats, along with words from God and offer prayer. You never know. God can use anything, even modernized, costumed, possible pagan holidays for His good, and the good of those who love Him, and the good of those who need to know His love.

Whatever works for you is fine by me. But don't expect me to get too worked up over it; I'd rather take Jesus's approach, and just love on people.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Sky Dance

An eternal chase in slow motion,
Or perhaps a game of tag.,,
Or, as with other denizens of the sky, a mating dance.

Who can tell? For we can only guess their ages.
Today she is ahead; another day he will be.
Some days they are close enough to kiss, to wrap in a lover's embrace,
other days so far apart we see only one at a time.

But they race joyously, content and unconcerned about "winning" or "losing".
When they draw close, she seems lost in his glory;
Apart she may hide or dominate the view according to her whim.

This morning she races several hours ahead.
Smiling serenely down from the lightening sky
As he prepares to peek over the horizon,
Moon and Sun locked in an eternal, blissful race.

Across the sky, stars run and hide
As Lord Jupiter refuses to wane, ruling an empty, western sky.

Rough Night in Jericho

Out of nowhere, there was this horrific, loud, deafening blast. It was like a few hundred rabid elephants in heat being tortured, like every last song with tubas being played at once. By the time I struggled up from the depths of sleep and staggered out into the yard, most of my city was in flames. The walls had collapsed. Thousands who lived in or near them must be dead. The invading hordes seemed intent on destroying us to the last man.

I got off a few short bursts, wounding a few of the infidels. Then my AK jammed. Before I could free it mortar fire hit all around me, and I had to eat dirt. Flames were springing up everywhere.

Fire behind me, to my left, and to my right. No idea where my regiment is. I stand alone with a jammed AK-47 in my Batman boxers to defend a few women and a goat from the invaders.

Twelve of them come at me. Judging by their colors, there's one from each division. Great. They'll all be trying to outdo one another. Mightiest man of God and all that.

I pull the pin on my last grenade, count, and throw it. They dive, I dive, we all dive for cover. Nothing happens. One of them laughs as they get up. He picks up the dud grenade and heaves it into a nearby burning comm shack, where it explodes, knocking us all back down.

Nobody is hurt by the blast, but the women are screaming behind me as the invaders approach, confidently. Smugly, even. The Kalashnikov is still jammed. Despite all the kids and infidels I've sent to Baal, it looks like he's deserted me now.

The goat butts me from behind and breaks for freedom. As it runs into the enemy ahead, one of them tosses an empty magazine at it. The tall guy in Benjamin's Division throws a satchel charge around the distracted goat's neck and swats it off in the direction of what's left of Abdul's Terrorist Camp.

One of the women, a joy girl I recognize, is screaming something about this all being Rahab's fault. I don't know what she means and I don't have time to worry about it-- the enemy is closing fast. The guy wearing the colors of Dan's Division is grinning like a thief.

I throw down my rifle, reaching for my pistol. I realize my belt, like my uniform, was in the room burning so brightly off to my right. I throw up my hands, but the grin just gets bigger and the Uzi comes up. I suspect they remember my face from TV a few years back after we torched that hospital in Tel Aviv. I have a sinking feeling surrender is not an option...

The first version of this wandered into cyberspace in 1989. Inspired by Dreams So Real's song of the same name. it drew from the (hopefully obvious) Biblical references and the tension in the Middle East, especially between Israel and Palestine. While there were terrorist events in 1989, to the best of my knowledge nobody torched a hospital in Tel Aviv. This is NOT a political statement of any sort. It's simply an ancient story in a modern setting, told from a different vantage point.

Copyright 1989, 1994, 2011 Miles O'Neal, Round Rock, TX. All rights reserved. Please contact author regarding republication or distribution.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Man vs Muse

The Tropics of Hutto

I just bought my third Tropical Blend sports coat; they're made from a mix of fibers-- hemp, sugar cane, those vines Tarzan swings from and whatever kind of straw goes into Panama hats.
Most of my clothes are edible in a pinch and some of them are rather tasty. As a Boy Scout and a geek, I try to be prepared for everything. They laughed at me for my (admittedly inedible) asbestos and lead underpants until flaming nuclear waste from the Russian space station landed here in Hutto. Then they just screamed in agony as I carried them to safety.


People ask me (as they ask most creative people, but especially those of us they see as more "out there") where I come up with my ideas and stories. My answer often amuses, befuddles or disappoints them. "Everywhere." Yes, it's that simple. I live life, dance, run, swim, mosey, race, float through it, dwell in it, taste it, hear it, see it, smell it, feel it.

It's the difference between driving with your windows up in perfectly climate controlled comfort, noticing nothing outside your Volvo but what's necessary to get you to your destination in your pre-determined time frame, and riding along with the top down in your Miata, tasting the wind, sunshine on your face, hearing the frogs in the stream beside the road, smelling the brook beside the road. In one, you simply do the minimum necessary, arrive at a destination, having experienced and perceived nothing, learned nothing, enjoyed nothing. In the latter, you experienced every glorious second of your trip; it becomes a part of you, you know your world more intimately. (This isn't to say you can't have fun or experience life with the windows up. Don't read more into what I said than I meant, but feel free to be inspired to write a story, paint a picture, sing a song, make a movie about something awesome happening in a Volvo with the windows up!)

Another major contributor is free associating. Despite my geek side, which loves to understand and classify, I also love to let my imagination go wild, with random associations leading me places nobody else thought to go. While this means I occasionally say things that garner odd looks, or even get me in trouble, it also means I can write things nobody else has written.

The last thing I want to mention now is simply that I write. I'm always writing, even if it's just in my head. On the one hand, that doesn't count since there's no "permanent" copy of it. On the other hand, it's good practice. The trick is to put the words onto a physical medium whenever possible, but to still let your mind flow all the time. And I write a lot on paper and the computer.

I always thought constraints on my writing were bad. They can be, but on the other hand, the discipline can bring out things you never had in you. Timed exercises ("write for five minutes and stop, even if it's mid-sentence") and length exercises (a page, under 100 words, exactly 100 words) are things I find not only useful, but to my surprise, a lot of fun. One of the results of doing a variety of these is that you quit worrying about length (unless required for an article or something) when you sit down just to write, or when something suddenly pours out.

The piece with which I opened this blog is a perfect example of all of this. Someone posted something about a "tropical blend sports coat" on Facebook. I thought, "What the heck does that even mean?" I immediately answered that question with some tropical fibers (Free Association), which led to the idea of edible coats (more FA), which reminded me of asbestos underwear (discussed long before Dilbert came out, more FA), and so on. Because I typed this all onto Facebook as I thought of it (write it down!) I had a copy. I squirreled that way in my ideas folder on the computer. Today I ran across it, tweaked it, realized it was close to 100 words, and fertilized, watered and pruned it til it was exactly 100 words.

For informational purposes, this blog is roughly 850 words. But I checked simply from curiosity. I don't really care.


We speak of The Muse, Inspiration, and related names as if some elder goddess walked among us. We say she comes and goes, conveying brilliance or shutting off the flow of words (music, images, whatever) at her will or whim. Frankly, I don't believe it-- whether we speak of a Person or Force. Rather, we either learn to live a life inspired by what's around us, in us, flowing out of us, or we don't.

I do believe in a God who inspires us, and at times even shuts things down. But we're made in God's image, meant to create, If we give ourselves to that, trust God, trust ourselves, then create we will.

The choice is ours.

Thanks to Sally Hanan for re-introducing me to timed exercises and length exercises. I'd forgotten both how much fun and how useful those are.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

British Haiku

A friend of ours, Traci Vanderbush, commented today about watching her son drive off to work and how weird it felt. Suddenly it seemed they'd gotten there all too quickly. Britain (her son) seems to be moving toward a career as a stage magician. Here's my attempt to ensconce the moment in haiku.
    The car disappears
Like a teenage magic trick
   Speeding at my heart
(I really like this definition of ensconce from dictionary.com: "to settle securely or snugly". It's how I think of myself settling down to read, and fits beautifully with what I was trying to do here. I love our language!)

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Facebook: Specific Beefs

Dear Facebook,

I tend to rant and complain when you change things so I feel it's only fair to tell you specifically what's wrong. It's not like we have a relationship (you are, after all, either a corporation or a web app, depending on how I'm dealing with you at the moment), but at least I can clear the air.

My biggest beef? I do not want you (or anyone else) doing my thinking for me! I pick my clothes out in the morning, I drive myself to work in MoPac traffic, I function well in a high tech environment. I am confident I can decide when I want to update what appears on my web page.

The two biggest components of this are:

1) Don't select what you think I want to see. Let me decide.
2) Don't take away my choices.

As it turns out, these interact quite a bit in what you have done with your user interface. For instance, until recently I had the option of selecting "top stories" (you do my thinking for me), or status updates, or photo updates, or links, or various other things. You had previously made that easier to select, but at least most of the options I cared about were still there somewhere prior to the last overhaul. Now, I have them on my phone, but not on my computer.

99% of the time, I just want to see status updates. NEARLY ALL OF THEM. When there are exceptions, I can hide the posts or even hide the individuals for a while if they were being annoying. At least, I used to be able to do this. Now I'm not so sure. I can either hide individual posts, or I can "Unsubscribe from posts by [someone]". What does that last part even mean? Is it different from hiding them? Hiding them made sense without having to go look up your definition. You took something simple and made it complex. Bad move.

Don't decide when I want things to move. I will decide that by clicking on "more" or "older posts" or whatever you choose to call it this week. It really annoys me to be trying to read something, and suddenly it jerks away. Or my web browser freezes while God alone knows (because I doubt even you know) what your javascript, PHP and CSS/HTML is doing to decide how to update my screen. It's even worse when it does this WHILE I AM TRYING TO COMMENT. I spent years in software development and user interface design and implementation; this is as broken as it gets. Even Microsoft is smarter than this. (Did I just say that? Yes, I did.)

The same thing applies to the scrolling news feed. If I wanted a scrolling news feed I'd have asked for one. Not all of us have Blue Gene systems, or multiple 6 core i7 based computers. We want less animation and background processing, thank you.

In with all of this is something I especially loathe, the tendency to update the page every time it's uncovered or exposed in some fashion. I can decide for myself when I want to update, remember? If you really, really think that is absolutely a necessity, then please give me some control. Preferably an opt out, but at least a minimum update frequency.

Then there are the lists I never created, that you decided I must have wanted but was too stupid or lazy to create. I already have groups. I am quite capable of putting people in the groups I want them in. I don't need you to invent them for me. In the process of creating the lists, you (yet again) took away screen real estate.

Speaking of groups, that's beef #3.

3) Don't destroy what I've done!

You not only decided to turn group pages into something completely different, you decided that some groups would be archived instead. The lucky ones who got converted instead of archived would still lose all their members unless you jump through hoops. What screwed up government program inspired this?

4) Do not require my entire screen (or even more than some people have).

Your default layout wastes a lot of screen space. Please use proportional widths, not large fixed widths based on today's sales figures for flat panels. Lots of folk are still happily using screens that are several years old, far narrower than today's state of the art standard.

Merge this with the whole concept of choices, and you could make life sooo much better for your users. Feel free to keep coming up with cool widgets. But let the users pick and choose which widgets they want, and (within reason) where they go. While they don't do it perfectly, blogspot at least gets the concept, and they really do a rather good job with it (other than some width restrictions).

5) Enough with the popups and overlays!

Just use the tab or window that's already in use! And links should go to another page, period; no javascript or other weirdness is necessary. That way I, the user, can decide whether I want things in the same window/tab or another one. Now, when I middle click to open a birthday in another tab, I get a massive fail because you wanted a left click to create a popup. But the way I do it is how every other thing I use on the web works. Get over yourself. Your mission is not to redefine how people mouse click. (I know, your mission is to sell ads. But the social network is how you accomplish that, so please at least pretend it's the mission!)

There's more, but these are my big beefs at the moment.

Oh, wait. There's one more.

6) Don't make it so difficult to communicate with you.

It's almost impossible. This is true whether it's UI feedback, a technical problem, or trying to find out why one is locked out for some mysterious, secret concept of misbehavior. I'd have been happy to discuss this privately. But since you not only insist on breaking things but on making it nearly impossible to speak directly with you, I'll just tell the world.

Have a great day, Seriously. But please, help your users have one, too.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Indigenous Writing

The magnificent Sally Hanan and I led a creative writing workshop today through the School of Kreative Arts (Austin); it was a lot of fun. We had low turnout but high quality. Shared journeys and stories carried us along, the writing was free, and nary an apostrophe was misplaced. Assignments include haiku, a 50 word story, the same story in 25 words or less, and a seven minute story based on a color, two names, weather and a situation.

Big surprises included either how hard it is to tell a story in 50 words or how much you can say in so little (depending on who was being surprised) and how short a time seven minutes is (I was nowhere near done).

Here are the pieces I wrote, absent the seven minute challenge. I want to finish that one.


Caffeine Love

Drinking coffee is
one of life's simple pleasures.
Starbucks? Not so much.

Enamel Removal

My dentist wondered,
"What have you done to your teeth?"
Little totem poles...

Baylor Breeding

I loved my bear feet.
My girlfriend said it was odd;
they had fur and claws.

My 50 word story came in at exactly 50 words:

Pondering the last tomato, Jane pushed her salad away. With her husband dead, she could no longer write haiku. "Perhaps," she thought, "I could write limericks. Solemn limericks... grave limericks." A childlike smile drifted across her face. "For his headstone."
Looking for asparagus but finding none, she ate the tomato.

Cutting it exactly in half, I ended up with:

Sick of tomatoes, Jane pushed away her salad. With Gerald dead, she couldn't keep writing haiku. Perhaps grave limericks? She found she'd eaten the tomato.

I prefer the 50 word version. What do you think? And did any of the haiku strike your fancy?

By the way, the fact that the super shorts begin with eating salads is Sally's fault.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Facebook Bites Users Yet Again

Well, Facebook, you've done it again.

With every major face lift, you annoy more users. The comments on my wall (and I have a broad cross-section of friends) are always at least 10:1 against the changes. (This time they are at least 30:1, and people are more upset than I have seen before.) About the time everyone finally adapts, finally gets used to them (not likes them), you change it AGAIN. For the worse.

Over and over, claiming to give us more control and what we want, you give us LESS control, and take away the features that made Facebook first wonderful, then pretty cool, eventually down to bearable. I suppose next you will take away the features that make your product merely annoying.

Quite a few of us only want to see statuses most of the time. With each of the last iterations you made that more difficult, and now you have removed it entirely. Has it occurred to you that with more than a couple of hundred friends, it becomes impossible to keep up with everything? Most of my friends have from 500 to 1500 friends. It's almost impossible for someone with a life and job to keep up with even the statuses, never mind the links, photos, videos, games, apps, and whatever you decide comes next.

If you want to provide an OPTION to create new groups for me, fine. But just let me know it's there and decide whether I want to opt in.

If you want to provide an OPTION to run constant updates that eat my CPU and mean my screen never stops updating, fine. Let me know it's there and decide whether I want to opt in.

For that matter, when you provide options (like yesterday, when I could choose to see statuses only, LEAVE THEM WHERE I SET THEM. Don't reset them every time I turn around.

We get it. We are not your customers. We are the product you sell to your customers. But as it turns out, you are turning your "product" off more and more each day. I know people who have left Facebook because of past changes. I am actively looking for an alternative. I am really hoping google+ works out, because I will be GONE. And I will take everyone with me I can.

People were never meant to be products

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Who are you? Who, who, who, who?

"Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?"


Who are you? Do you know? If not you probably you want to, and none of us know completely. Occasionally some of us are afraid to find out, but until we know who we are, we're essentially lost in the crowd. If we don't know who we are, there's always someone around us ready to tell us. They're usually wrong.

So, who defines us?

Sometimes, we define ourselves. This is natural and within boundaries OK, but (a) it's limiting and (b) can have negative results. Perhaps we observe ourselves, and declare, "OK, I see this, therefore this is who I am." Or maybe we just decide, "This is who and what I want to be, therefore, that's who I'll be." We can do worse, but we can do better as well. Since all of us are flawed, if we attempt to create our own reality of ourselves, or create us in our own image, the result will have flaws we can't even know, much less address. Even the most observant, brightest and honest person has a limited view; we can usually see part of the forest or some of the trees, but that's it.

Sometimes we let other people define us. This is also natural and within boundaries OK, but the same caveats apply. Others can see things we can't, but there are always things they will judge wrong, or can't even begin to know or guess at reasonably. And some of them just want to manipulate us for their own reasons. At best that makes us objects to be used, pawns in a game. At worst, it makes us slaves as we are trapped in our belief of who someone else said we are. To some extent, we will always get who we are from others-- our parents, our friends, our teachers, our mentors, even our enemies. Just make sure that before you embrace it or let it take root, that they're right.

Sometimes we let circumstances define us. This appears to be a mixture of the first two, but in reality it's just a passive or passive-aggressive version of defining ourselves. We simply react to what's going on around us, and let our emotions and instincts rule us. The result can be difficult to distinguish from an animal; at best it's merely pitiful. Do you know someone who's always angry, or always sad, or at least always emotional and incapable of doing much about it? Or someone who just drifts along? Or who at best is just never happy? Or mindlessly content? All of these people become ineffective in life, if not apparently useless. Who wants to live there? (I realize that sometimes these are symptomatic of deeper problems require counseling; that's another issue.)

We can let God define us. He made us and knows us inside and out, backward and forward, past present and future. He loves us, every last one of us, and wants the best for us. Who better to define us? Who better to tell us who we are, and how to become that person? It's not the easiest path. It's not always a fun path. But the result is infinitely better than the others, because it's the right path. We don't hit all those dead ends, sink in all those bogs, or end up as buzzard bait in the middle of the desert.

The title of this note (and opening lyrics) came from a song by the Who. A thorough band of heathens, they never the less came up with a profound image of the concept. Well into the song they say,

"God, there's got to be another way."

Presumably "God" in this context is just an exclamation of despair, an accidental prayer rather than an intentional one. But I love where they go with this.

"I know there's a place you walked
Where love falls from the trees
My heart is like a broken cup
I only feel right on my knees

"I spit out like a sewer hole
Yet still receive your kiss
How can I measure up to anyone now
After such a love as this?"


Wherever they were coming from, they summed it up nicely. So long as we try to define ourselves against the vast panorama of creation and God's glory, we can't measure up. But if we quit trying, and let the creator and the glorious one define us, then we recognize our place in that vast panorama, that glory, that kiss, "such a love as this". And we can not only be content with who we are, we can revel, rejoice, party in it-- and be right.

Not sure who holds the copyright to the lyrics, the Who, their record company, or... who.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Roadkill Has the Runs

Lately as I've been running in the afternoons, with fairly low humidity (25% to 35%) and a heat index well into the 100s, I sometimes think of Dune (despite the plants, which, while often fairly bleached out, are still there). So when I have to spit, I aim for leaves; water's kind of precious around here at the moment.

Running that time of day, my times aren't the best, but I get the most workout for the time invested. Nevermind that I really enjoy it (except when it's hot and humid).

I try to run all year round, so I build up to the heat in the summer and cold in the winter. (I cheat; I have a wind suit for when it gets below 60, but hey, I'm not 20 any more, even though I feel like it most days.)

I can run on a treadmill if I have to (say, if it's cold, rainy, and everyone around me has a cold), but I'd rather not.

The trails call me. The weather calls me. The sky calls me. The plants call me. The cicadas and crickets call me, the birds and lizards call me, the runners and bikers call me. The fire hydrant in the woods calls me. (No, not to pee!)

My current shoes are the first real running shoes I've ever owned. I have no idea how many miles I have put on them (the records from when I first started trying to get back in shape a few years ago were lost), but I'm guessing it's between 500 and 1,000. Not what a serious runner would put on, but I'm happy being me, and running 1-2 miles 2-3x a week with the occasional 5K thrown in is about right for my body.

I inspected my shoes a week or so ago because the left one felt funny. I couldn't find anything at the time, but yesterday part of one heel started to come loose; it's time for some new ones. When I bought these, I was a bit skeptical, but they've held up really well, and my feet and legs have been happier than they ever were in the past when I tried to run. Dr. School's, and later Ironman, pads have helped as well.

So has prayer. My shin splints are gone. I had given up hope on losing those years ago. Silly Miles. As a wise man once said, "Never surrender! Never give up!"

While some of my friends seem to feel as if we're in Narnia under the grip of the White Witch's hot[1], evil twin ("It's always summer, and never Labor Day"), I'm content with this endless summer. Today's an off day, so no running. But it's a good day for an upper body workout, so I think I'll grab a breaker bar and pick and go bust some rocks.


[1] Take that however you like. Only a fool falls for an evil witch. Just ask Edmund.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Doe, a Deer

We found a baby deer in our yard today. A seriously spotted fawn, planted by its mama in our rock garden. It lay still as could be until we got really close, marginally hidden between our house's gray slab and several red yucca.

We didn't see the doe. Well, we may have. One was resting in shade under a tree about 40 yards away. But that doe was still there a couple of hours later whereas the fawn had disappeared.

We've seen this before. Usually we've seen the fawns in plain sight, maybe in 3" or 4" tall grass, as if something sticking up 10-12 inches were well hidden there. Usually this happens while the grass is green; the extended drought this year has left everything straw colored, closer to white than brown.

What's different for me is that I could appreciate the fawn, took pictures, made sure Lizzie Bear saw it (Tyler already had), rather than chasing it off. I was always able to see their beauty, but didn't want them in my yard. Or anywhere nearby.

For years I saw deer only as pests. And make no mistake, there is a pestilential side to them. They eat many of Sharon's flowers. They drop ticks the way dandelions drop seeds on a windy, spring day. They leave deer berries (poop) everywhere even more than they do ticks. They tear up our fence, jumping over it but not high enough. And they have a bad habit of not only running or walking out in front of moving vehicles, but of lunging into the sides of vehicles that stopped to avoid hitting the deer. Smart is not their strong suit.

So for years I did my best to chase them off. For a while I shot their backsides with BB guns. (I can hear the howls of protest. This doesn't injure them, it simply stings. Having been shot before, I know.) They kept coming back.

When the BB gun died I switched to throwing rocks near (not at) them. This didn't work nearly as well, and when it did... they kept coming back.

Finally I settled on tossing fireworks (fireworks are legal in Texas) out into the yard. This worked really well, usually causing the deer to teleport so far away I never knew where they went. It's probably my fault they never shared this technology with us.

They always came back.

In the meantime, we tried using human hair around the plants to chase them away. This would work for a few days, but we had to constantly be putting hair out, and if it wasn't freshly cut, it didn't really work. Sometimes even fresh cut hair didn't help.

So we started peeing round the Flowers.

No, really.

OK, we cheated. We kept a cup in the bathroom, peed in that and poured it around the flowers. We did this several times a day, and it usually worked if we kept it up and it didn't rain all the time. (That hasn't been a problem this year.)


Near the end of the several years of using the BB gun on them, we saw _Evan Almighty_, Somewhere in there, the "Acts of Random Kindness" bit attached itself to a mental image of deer. I scoffed at it and moved on.

After a couple of years, that had become a refrain that played every time I saw a deer in the yard or even in the neighborhood. It began to dawn on me that maybe someone (and I don't mean Morgan Freeman) was suggesting I learn to accept the deer and live at peace with them.

I started by simply not chasing them around the yard until they left when I drove up.

When I ran out of fireworks, I didn't get any more for deer dispersal purposes. Nor did I resume throwing rocks, or fix the BB gun.

Eventually I learned to live at peace with them.

And so, today, I smile, encourage the grandkids to look closely, and take pictures.

We still pee round the flowers.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Man Who Saved My Life

The other night I had an odd experience. It didn't feel odd at the time. I'd just met Nan, the type of person I call "instant family". As we talked after class, both at the conference and later in a group eating at Kerbey Lane, there were a couple of times Nan responded to something Desiree or I said with, "Oh, that's good!" and wrote it in her notebook.

Later it hit me that this was the second time in a couple of weeks this has happened to me. I'm not sure it ever happened before. But as I looked at it from outside rather than inside it caught me off guard. It was a slightly uncomfortable feeling. I wondered, "Is this what Bill feels like? Gushed over all the time?"

To keep the record clear, Nan wasn't gushing, She was simply excited at things she thought would help her, and I was excited to be able to help. But Bill does get gushed over. I'm pretty sure I've done it. It can be hard not to gush when someone saves your life. And that's what I tell people-- "Jesus saved my soul, but Bill saved my life."

OK, he didn't snatch me from the jaws of physical death. But he looked at me, and instead of seeing what some folk see, he saw what God sees, treated me that way, and called that out in me. Had Bill not done this three years ago, I'd probably still be fairly safely and fairly miserably ensconced where I'd been for years. Instead, I walked out a free man, a new man, a man with limitless possibilities ahead.

I'm not the only person who says these sorts of things about Bill. I can name quite a few people who feel similarly, at least a couple of whom put it in very similar ways. Bill has impacted tens of thousands of lives (at least, probably far more) for the better. And a number of them (us?) have been known to gush. And to write down things he said, things which really grabbed hold of us, touched something deep, promised life, blooms and water in a parched desert. Life changing words.

While Bill and his awesome family recently moved to another state, he continues to be a friend, a mentor, a brother, a strength, a sounding board, so many things. He left behind, as he has other places, a community of people in closer relationship with God, themselves and each other, a community changing the world around them, a community walking in freedom, love and power.

I've been known to say, "He's my Bill Johnson". (If you don't know who Bill Johnson is, just take my word for it that he's touched a lot of lives, including my friend Bill's).[1] By the time Bill moved away, he'd raised up quite a few leaders here. I pray that some day many people will say of each of us, "S/he's my Bill Vanderbush".[2] Not because I need the accolades, but because I want to make an impact like Bill-- and because he deserves a lot of honor for all he's done.

Being the awesome guy he is, Bill will smile that amazing smile that has Daddy's love for his kids and Jesus' love for his bride all over it, and say something simple but profound and we'll all go, "Oh, that's good!" and reach for our pens and journals.


[1] This recognition originally hit me at the same time it hit Will Matthews. It immediately popped out of our mouths in perfect sync, cracking us both up.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Love and War: A Memorial

Each Memorial Day I especially think of my Uncle Elliott; I never knew him.

Perhaps in part it's because I was named after him (my middle name). But also there is the sadness of the family never really knowing what happened. His bomber was shot down during the Korean "conflict". He was MIA. He was eventually declared dead. Few details ever came to light.

Dad was shot down over Korea in a fighter. His best friends, his wingmen, whose names I have never heard (he hates to talk about it) were blown out of the sky just before he was hit. He was senior POW in his camp, horribly mistreated, in terrible shape when he was finally returned home. He could also have easily been MIA, presumed dead.

Millions have died for freedom. Some truly died for freedom, some died for for other reasons disguised as freedom-- greed, pride, empire, whatever. As regards their deaths, their sacrifice, the honor they deserve, it really doesn't matter which. But thinking of whether they should have died, and upon whose hands their blood lies, it matters a great deal.

God, grant us wisdom to see the difference, and the ability to hold leaders accountable. Send us leaders who will not take us needlessly into war, into bloodshed, into destruction, into sorrow, into grief, into the land of MIA and KIA and collateral damage, but into life, love, peace, and joy wherever possible. Let us live our lives that way to be worthy of such leaders, that we may no more need days such as this.

But for now, thank you for the love, courage and strength of those who gave their lives for us. Let us give our lives meaningfully and dearly for you, and for those you have put here with us.

Amen.

Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Uncle Elliott. Thank you to all who died that we might live, and live free.

Thanks to the Mik Chiks for inspiring this.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

I'm a Monster, She's a Monster, Be a Monster, Too!

I'm a monster. Or so I've been told. Not a hairy one (though I have certainly been that). Not an ugly one (though I've been told that). Not a scary one (though I've even scared myself at times). Not a dangerous one (demons may argue).

Apparently I'm a Love Monster. I can live with that. Beats being sewn together from dug up pieces from graveyards or being undead, or the walking dead, or a radioactive mutant that feels compelled to stomp on buildings and eat cars, yet somehow never poops. A constipated car-nivore? Yuck.

So, what is a Love Monster? I think of it as sort of the opposite of Cookie Monster[tm]. CM consumes cookies; LM exudes love. CM is owned by cookie lust; LM is owned by love for everyone around.

A Love Monster can't help but love on people. This can take many forms, from hugs to hurting with the hurting to visiting someone in a hospital to taking someone out to eat to sitting at a funeral and crying-- or joking-- with a mom who's just lost her son.[1]

But the most important thing (which drives all of the above) a Love Monster does is simply to see who another person is, see who they are meant to be (seeing past their past, as it were), and calling out the gold, the good, their destiny-- encouraging and honoring them. In short, loving them from who they think they are to who they really are, which is who they were always meant to be.

A Love Monster tends to see others as family. A Love Monster acts as a mom or dad, grandparent, son or daughter, grandchild, aunt or uncle, cousin, niece or nephew, etc., to the people who let them in past their defenses. (They'll act that way toward everyone, but not everyone will see it, and even a Love Monster has some limits.) In some cases this becomes a covenant, or at the very least a semi-formal role. It goes beyond mentoring because love is the basis. It may be a one way thing; you don't cease being a parent just because a child rejects you, or vice versa.

Being a Love Monster isn't all hugs and laughter. Sometimes it's crawling into bed with the sick or dying-- being willing to speak life to them, fight for them, hold them whether they live or die. It's walking through the hell of someone dying, then walking through the aftermath with those who loved them. It's holding a rape victim, listening to sordid, anguished details you'd rather not here, or being yelled at, or even beat on, as they work through their pain, fear and anger; then it's being there to help put their life back together, going through tough decisions if they're pregnant, or if the rapist is known or caught. It's 3AM texts and phone calls. It's about last minute changed plans. It's about laying down your life for others. In the words of Maxwell Smart, Secret Agent 86, "aaand... loving it!"

But it's also about new life, seeing people set free or restored or waking up to their destiny, their gifts, their passion, their calling. It's about seeing people make good choices and reaping good consequences. It's about trading beauty for ashes, security for insecurity, love for fear, hope for pain.

And, quite often, it's about hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. Real hugs. Not brief, wimpy, chicken hearted, lily livered, lawyer and insurance company mandated, sideways hugs. Hugs. You know, like Italian families give each other. Hugs,

I'm a Love Monster standing on the street corner nearest you, holding up a sign. It's cardboard, but the words are in bright, rainbow colors. "WILL TRADE HUGS FOR... PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING YOU NEED TO GET RID OF." It's the best job on the planet.

Anyone want work? There's always room for one more Love Monster!


[1]Yes, we got some glares for that. I'll tell you the story some time.


A tip of the Stetson to Sally Hanan. This was her idea, or at least she passed it along from Daddy.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I Hate Boxes

It wasn't really that hard to love and honor the people closest to me. I could look in their eyes, hug them, laugh with them, cry with them, and easily see them, see in whose image they were made.

It was sometimes tougher to do that with others-- neighbors, co-workers, strangers, my nemesis. But not really all that tough once I started trying. I could still look them in the eyes.

But bad drivers... That one's been tougher. Not impossible, but tougher.

For years, my main transportation was a motorcycle. Motorcyclists refer to cars as boxes. Many car drivers are so trapped in their little box they have no clue what is going on around them. This is especially perturbing when you are exposed on a motorcycle. Several years in a Miata weren't that much different. Even now, in a Mazda 3, dwelling in the Land of Pickups and SUVs, it can be unnerving on a daily basis (think MoPac).

I learned to loathe certain types of boxers-- the clueless, the uncaring, the inattentive, the aggressive, the downright vicious. A while back I decided to love and honor these people, too. Some days it's *really* hard. Why is that?

It's for the same reason, I think, that motorcyclists labeled them as box drivers to begin with. There's a wall there, and some drivers can't or won't see through it, and I can't easily see through it, either. I can't look them in the eye. It's hard to see the human being in there. I certainly can't know them well. I can't even engage them in discussion.

But I do my best. Despite their driving habits and skills or lack thereof, they're moms, dads, children, sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents, grand-kids, friends, coaches, and so forth. They matter, too. We have the same Daddy. So I pray for their peace as well as mine.

Oddly enough, the more I'm able to do this, the happier and less stressed I am when I get wherever I'm going. If only I could get this message across. But while driving, hand gestures are about all that's available, and somehow they don't do the job.

So I bless them, and pray for them, and love them.

Occasionally I still flash my brights at them when they pull over a car length in front of me on the interstate, but most days it's more an attempt to communicate how foolish they're being rather than what I used to try to communicate, which was more along the lines of "I wish these were blasters fired by Chewbacca to wipe your foolish driving habits off the map!"

Saturday, April 02, 2011

I'm still on CST (Centex Spring Time)

Early March to mid March were what we think of as spring in most of the country. Coming on the heels of something similar called "fall" in October of last year felt almost surreal. This is, after all, central Texas, where I have long said we have only two seasons-- summer and not-summer. Not summer can vary from not sweltering to below freezing, but even in December or January you might have days in the 80s. An actual spring or fall, at least more than a few days worth, is rare.

On the other hand, the old adage, "Texas: If ya don't like the weather, wait a few minutes; it'll change", is fairly true (except when the summer is hot and dry; then it's likely to stay that way for days on end, perhaps months). That works on a macro scale as well, as evidenced by our having an actual spring and fall within a single year's time.

Late March cooled a bit; it was more like a lot of early Marches I recall from years in the southeast. Yesterday, perhaps as an April fools prank, we hit 91 or so for several hours in the afternoon. Today should be close to that, but in a few days the highs should be in the high 70s. Spring again.

I lived through the Global Cooling days (official motto: The Ice Age Draweth Nigh! Prepare to Die!" I lived through the Global Warming Daze (Ted Turner's motto: "Only the cannibals will survive.") Now I'm living in the "Global Climate Change Daze (official motto: "It's all your fault, but we can't prove how or why."

Torrential rains in the southeast-- no surprise there. Lots of cold and snow up north-- no surprise there. Variable with warmth in central Texas-- no surprise there. While at the extreme end of the bell curve in some cases, it's pretty much what I learned in geography class back in the stone age (the 60s).

So far, while many people claim it's a proven fact that we're on the verge of a cataclysm, and that it's All Our Fault, I'm enjoying the weather here. Frankly, so long as my house wasn't washing away, I'd mostly enjoy the rain. So long as I weren't starving or freezing to death, I'd enjoy the snow (my wife wouldn't, but she just hates the cold unless it's really dry, like in the Colorado mountains).

I suppose I could be fretting about the weather. There are several reasons I don't.

1) I can't tell that anyone has proven anything. There's more than reasonable doubt on some of the work; some of it was as unscientific as it could be. Much of it is politically tainted. And nobody can actually explain to me what's really happening. They just wave statistics and call theories facts, proofs, and results.
2) As I noted, the actual theory and name keep changing. "Global Climate Change" is so broad a term as to be meaningless.
3) The usual mantras to solve the alleged problem (less gas, less coal, etc) are to be replaced by alternatives that-- at best-- postpone it. What will billions of acres of giant wind turbines do to the weather, never mind bird and insect populations and patterns? What will geothermal heating and cooling do to the Earth itself? Nobody really knows. Too often, government mandated cures are as bad as, or worse than, whatever is to be cured-- especially when rushed through.

We seem to forget that much of early civilization was migratory, precisely because of weather patterns such as we are seeing today. There are indications the climate has simply been calmer for some time but the data relating to that tend to be ignored.

Hmmm. I started out just wanting to talk about spring time in Texas. And that's really what It I'd rather do. I miss the Miata, but at least I have windows and a sun roof. We have a back porch. We have a great neighborhood for walking, with trails, a creek (of sorts), and parks nearby. When traffic is moving, I even enjoy the commute to work just because of the weather.

If you aren't enjoying yours, perhaps you should consider a migratory lifestyle. We can always put you up here for a bit. Swimming, anyone?

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Door Number Three

Recently a teen friend, Tania Sithole, said something to the effect of, "When one door closes, God opens another. You just have to have faith". I started thinking about how we react to closed doors.

Life is never a stone wall with nowhere to go, even though it occasionally looks and feels that way. The open door may not be directly in front of us on the path we were headed down, but it's there. It may be to the side, or we may need to back track a bit and try another path, but there's always an open door.

Some of us, though, have a tendency to stay at the closed door. We might keep knocking or ringing the bell. We might try to knock it down. We might just stare at it dumbly. Or fall down and weep. But we won't go anywhere until we quit worrying about that closed door.

Others just turn back, giving up all hope of going forward, or at least anywhere they want to go. "The door was shut, I'm doomed". Well, yeah, if you choose to be doomed you can be, but it's a silly choice.

And that's what a lot of us miss, that we do have choices. We can choose to demand that things go our way every time, and get nowhere we really want to go (unless we're self-centered to the point of absurdity), or we can choose to make the best of what shows up-- and to look around to see what's there.

While you're at it, you might want to choose to think about where all those open doors come from. Do they really just pop randomly out of an impersonal universe, or is it possible someone loves you and is offering you a way into something better?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What I Did With my Thanksgiving (2010) Vacation

Technically, I didn't take any extra vacation time this year at Thanksgiving. But I ended up taking the Monday before Thanksgiving (and part of Tuesday) as sick time.

When I woke up Monday morning I sat up, felt like I had rocketed up, and almost fell over. I felt very dizzy. OK, sometimes we sit up too fast; it goes away in a few seconds.

Nope. Not even in a few minutes.

I took stock-- no pain, mobility issues, chest aberrations, shortness of breath-- nothing. Just very dizzy. I didn't *quite* stagger into my office, where I researched dizziness on-line. With no other symptoms, it was wide open. The one thing I could do was check for low blood pressure. Nope. Normal.

Called the doctor, made an appointment. When I went to bathe, the hot water in the tub wouldn't shut off completely. When I turned harder (but not very hard) something in the valve (probably close to 30 years old) snapped, and now the handle would spin completely around through Off and On.

Call the plumber. No answer. Call another plumber. Yes, it's kind of an emergency. Thanks.

Sharon thought to turn off the water to the water heater. That was good enough for us but not for the plumber, as a little water was still leaking. He had to shut off water to the house. Probably $200 to fix this. We left Josiah in charge and Sharon drove me to the doctor.

We crested a hill on the toll road off ramp to see a car pulled over to the side. As we pulled closer I realized the young woman hanging out of it was waving both middle fingers at passing vehicles and screaming obscenities with, shall we say, a great deal of feeling. A pickup truck was pulling over to help, but apparently the driver changed his mind when he realized what the woman was doing. We called 911 and proceeded to the doctor's office...

Where she found nothing obvious except excessive ear wax. They flushed my ear with warm-ish H2O2 and H2O. After that, things improved. The dizziness was mostly gone, but I still felt unbalanced (yeah, I know, what else is new?) She told me to use an anti-dizziness medicine and it would probably clear up. (If not, it's off to an ENT. Perhaps Treebeard.) Oh, and get some rest.

So I spent most of my day resting. Reading, napping, talking with my son, watching my grandson play. Not the day I'd planned, but I've had far, far worse.

The bird woman, BTW, was gone when we returned. And no signs of wreckage or blood. Huzzah!

The next day was better, but not 100% better. My ear, that is. The faucet, too, come to think of it. The water shut off, but the hot water valve still spins. But the cost was only $100, and the plumber fixed a minor leak on the cold water valve as well. And it seems that spinnable valves are the Hot Thing in plumbing, so maybe I'll just break the cold valve as well.

By the end of the week, everything was back to normal. If anyone wants to buy futures in ear wax, let me know.