I'm a monster. Or so I've been told. Not a hairy one (though I have certainly been that). Not an ugly one (though I've been told that). Not a scary one (though I've even scared myself at times). Not a dangerous one (demons may argue).
Apparently I'm a Love Monster. I can live with that. Beats being sewn together from dug up pieces from graveyards or being undead, or the walking dead, or a radioactive mutant that feels compelled to stomp on buildings and eat cars, yet somehow never poops. A constipated car-nivore? Yuck.
So, what is a Love Monster? I think of it as sort of the opposite of Cookie Monster[tm]. CM consumes cookies; LM exudes love. CM is owned by cookie lust; LM is owned by love for everyone around.
A Love Monster can't help but love on people. This can take many forms, from hugs to hurting with the hurting to visiting someone in a hospital to taking someone out to eat to sitting at a funeral and crying-- or joking-- with a mom who's just lost her son.[1]
But the most important thing (which drives all of the above) a Love Monster does is simply to see who another person is, see who they are meant to be (seeing past their past, as it were), and calling out the gold, the good, their destiny-- encouraging and honoring them. In short, loving them from who they think they are to who they really are, which is who they were always meant to be.
A Love Monster tends to see others as family. A Love Monster acts as a mom or dad, grandparent, son or daughter, grandchild, aunt or uncle, cousin, niece or nephew, etc., to the people who let them in past their defenses. (They'll act that way toward everyone, but not everyone will see it, and even a Love Monster has some limits.) In some cases this becomes a covenant, or at the very least a semi-formal role. It goes beyond mentoring because love is the basis. It may be a one way thing; you don't cease being a parent just because a child rejects you, or vice versa.
Being a Love Monster isn't all hugs and laughter. Sometimes it's crawling into bed with the sick or dying-- being willing to speak life to them, fight for them, hold them whether they live or die. It's walking through the hell of someone dying, then walking through the aftermath with those who loved them. It's holding a rape victim, listening to sordid, anguished details you'd rather not here, or being yelled at, or even beat on, as they work through their pain, fear and anger; then it's being there to help put their life back together, going through tough decisions if they're pregnant, or if the rapist is known or caught. It's 3AM texts and phone calls. It's about last minute changed plans. It's about laying down your life for others. In the words of Maxwell Smart, Secret Agent 86, "aaand... loving it!"
But it's also about new life, seeing people set free or restored or waking up to their destiny, their gifts, their passion, their calling. It's about seeing people make good choices and reaping good consequences. It's about trading beauty for ashes, security for insecurity, love for fear, hope for pain.
And, quite often, it's about hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. Real hugs. Not brief, wimpy, chicken hearted, lily livered, lawyer and insurance company mandated, sideways hugs. Hugs. You know, like Italian families give each other. Hugs,
I'm a Love Monster standing on the street corner nearest you, holding up a sign. It's cardboard, but the words are in bright, rainbow colors. "WILL TRADE HUGS FOR... PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING YOU NEED TO GET RID OF." It's the best job on the planet.
Anyone want work? There's always room for one more Love Monster!
[1]Yes, we got some glares for that. I'll tell you the story some time.
A tip of the Stetson to Sally Hanan. This was her idea, or at least she passed it along from Daddy.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
I Hate Boxes
It wasn't really that hard to love and honor the people closest to me. I could look in their eyes, hug them, laugh with them, cry with them, and easily see them, see in whose image they were made.
It was sometimes tougher to do that with others-- neighbors, co-workers, strangers, my nemesis. But not really all that tough once I started trying. I could still look them in the eyes.
But bad drivers... That one's been tougher. Not impossible, but tougher.
For years, my main transportation was a motorcycle. Motorcyclists refer to cars as boxes. Many car drivers are so trapped in their little box they have no clue what is going on around them. This is especially perturbing when you are exposed on a motorcycle. Several years in a Miata weren't that much different. Even now, in a Mazda 3, dwelling in the Land of Pickups and SUVs, it can be unnerving on a daily basis (think MoPac).
I learned to loathe certain types of boxers-- the clueless, the uncaring, the inattentive, the aggressive, the downright vicious. A while back I decided to love and honor these people, too. Some days it's *really* hard. Why is that?
It's for the same reason, I think, that motorcyclists labeled them as box drivers to begin with. There's a wall there, and some drivers can't or won't see through it, and I can't easily see through it, either. I can't look them in the eye. It's hard to see the human being in there. I certainly can't know them well. I can't even engage them in discussion.
But I do my best. Despite their driving habits and skills or lack thereof, they're moms, dads, children, sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents, grand-kids, friends, coaches, and so forth. They matter, too. We have the same Daddy. So I pray for their peace as well as mine.
Oddly enough, the more I'm able to do this, the happier and less stressed I am when I get wherever I'm going. If only I could get this message across. But while driving, hand gestures are about all that's available, and somehow they don't do the job.
So I bless them, and pray for them, and love them.
Occasionally I still flash my brights at them when they pull over a car length in front of me on the interstate, but most days it's more an attempt to communicate how foolish they're being rather than what I used to try to communicate, which was more along the lines of "I wish these were blasters fired by Chewbacca to wipe your foolish driving habits off the map!"
It was sometimes tougher to do that with others-- neighbors, co-workers, strangers, my nemesis. But not really all that tough once I started trying. I could still look them in the eyes.
But bad drivers... That one's been tougher. Not impossible, but tougher.
For years, my main transportation was a motorcycle. Motorcyclists refer to cars as boxes. Many car drivers are so trapped in their little box they have no clue what is going on around them. This is especially perturbing when you are exposed on a motorcycle. Several years in a Miata weren't that much different. Even now, in a Mazda 3, dwelling in the Land of Pickups and SUVs, it can be unnerving on a daily basis (think MoPac).
I learned to loathe certain types of boxers-- the clueless, the uncaring, the inattentive, the aggressive, the downright vicious. A while back I decided to love and honor these people, too. Some days it's *really* hard. Why is that?
It's for the same reason, I think, that motorcyclists labeled them as box drivers to begin with. There's a wall there, and some drivers can't or won't see through it, and I can't easily see through it, either. I can't look them in the eye. It's hard to see the human being in there. I certainly can't know them well. I can't even engage them in discussion.
But I do my best. Despite their driving habits and skills or lack thereof, they're moms, dads, children, sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents, grand-kids, friends, coaches, and so forth. They matter, too. We have the same Daddy. So I pray for their peace as well as mine.
Oddly enough, the more I'm able to do this, the happier and less stressed I am when I get wherever I'm going. If only I could get this message across. But while driving, hand gestures are about all that's available, and somehow they don't do the job.
So I bless them, and pray for them, and love them.
Occasionally I still flash my brights at them when they pull over a car length in front of me on the interstate, but most days it's more an attempt to communicate how foolish they're being rather than what I used to try to communicate, which was more along the lines of "I wish these were blasters fired by Chewbacca to wipe your foolish driving habits off the map!"
Saturday, April 02, 2011
I'm still on CST (Centex Spring Time)
Early March to mid March were what we think of as spring in most of the country. Coming on the heels of something similar called "fall" in October of last year felt almost surreal. This is, after all, central Texas, where I have long said we have only two seasons-- summer and not-summer. Not summer can vary from not sweltering to below freezing, but even in December or January you might have days in the 80s. An actual spring or fall, at least more than a few days worth, is rare.
On the other hand, the old adage, "Texas: If ya don't like the weather, wait a few minutes; it'll change", is fairly true (except when the summer is hot and dry; then it's likely to stay that way for days on end, perhaps months). That works on a macro scale as well, as evidenced by our having an actual spring and fall within a single year's time.
Late March cooled a bit; it was more like a lot of early Marches I recall from years in the southeast. Yesterday, perhaps as an April fools prank, we hit 91 or so for several hours in the afternoon. Today should be close to that, but in a few days the highs should be in the high 70s. Spring again.
I lived through the Global Cooling days (official motto: The Ice Age Draweth Nigh! Prepare to Die!" I lived through the Global Warming Daze (Ted Turner's motto: "Only the cannibals will survive.") Now I'm living in the "Global Climate Change Daze (official motto: "It's all your fault, but we can't prove how or why."
Torrential rains in the southeast-- no surprise there. Lots of cold and snow up north-- no surprise there. Variable with warmth in central Texas-- no surprise there. While at the extreme end of the bell curve in some cases, it's pretty much what I learned in geography class back in the stone age (the 60s).
So far, while many people claim it's a proven fact that we're on the verge of a cataclysm, and that it's All Our Fault, I'm enjoying the weather here. Frankly, so long as my house wasn't washing away, I'd mostly enjoy the rain. So long as I weren't starving or freezing to death, I'd enjoy the snow (my wife wouldn't, but she just hates the cold unless it's really dry, like in the Colorado mountains).
I suppose I could be fretting about the weather. There are several reasons I don't.
1) I can't tell that anyone has proven anything. There's more than reasonable doubt on some of the work; some of it was as unscientific as it could be. Much of it is politically tainted. And nobody can actually explain to me what's really happening. They just wave statistics and call theories facts, proofs, and results.
2) As I noted, the actual theory and name keep changing. "Global Climate Change" is so broad a term as to be meaningless.
3) The usual mantras to solve the alleged problem (less gas, less coal, etc) are to be replaced by alternatives that-- at best-- postpone it. What will billions of acres of giant wind turbines do to the weather, never mind bird and insect populations and patterns? What will geothermal heating and cooling do to the Earth itself? Nobody really knows. Too often, government mandated cures are as bad as, or worse than, whatever is to be cured-- especially when rushed through.
We seem to forget that much of early civilization was migratory, precisely because of weather patterns such as we are seeing today. There are indications the climate has simply been calmer for some time but the data relating to that tend to be ignored.
Hmmm. I started out just wanting to talk about spring time in Texas. And that's really what It I'd rather do. I miss the Miata, but at least I have windows and a sun roof. We have a back porch. We have a great neighborhood for walking, with trails, a creek (of sorts), and parks nearby. When traffic is moving, I even enjoy the commute to work just because of the weather.
If you aren't enjoying yours, perhaps you should consider a migratory lifestyle. We can always put you up here for a bit. Swimming, anyone?
On the other hand, the old adage, "Texas: If ya don't like the weather, wait a few minutes; it'll change", is fairly true (except when the summer is hot and dry; then it's likely to stay that way for days on end, perhaps months). That works on a macro scale as well, as evidenced by our having an actual spring and fall within a single year's time.
Late March cooled a bit; it was more like a lot of early Marches I recall from years in the southeast. Yesterday, perhaps as an April fools prank, we hit 91 or so for several hours in the afternoon. Today should be close to that, but in a few days the highs should be in the high 70s. Spring again.
I lived through the Global Cooling days (official motto: The Ice Age Draweth Nigh! Prepare to Die!" I lived through the Global Warming Daze (Ted Turner's motto: "Only the cannibals will survive.") Now I'm living in the "Global Climate Change Daze (official motto: "It's all your fault, but we can't prove how or why."
Torrential rains in the southeast-- no surprise there. Lots of cold and snow up north-- no surprise there. Variable with warmth in central Texas-- no surprise there. While at the extreme end of the bell curve in some cases, it's pretty much what I learned in geography class back in the stone age (the 60s).
So far, while many people claim it's a proven fact that we're on the verge of a cataclysm, and that it's All Our Fault, I'm enjoying the weather here. Frankly, so long as my house wasn't washing away, I'd mostly enjoy the rain. So long as I weren't starving or freezing to death, I'd enjoy the snow (my wife wouldn't, but she just hates the cold unless it's really dry, like in the Colorado mountains).
I suppose I could be fretting about the weather. There are several reasons I don't.
1) I can't tell that anyone has proven anything. There's more than reasonable doubt on some of the work; some of it was as unscientific as it could be. Much of it is politically tainted. And nobody can actually explain to me what's really happening. They just wave statistics and call theories facts, proofs, and results.
2) As I noted, the actual theory and name keep changing. "Global Climate Change" is so broad a term as to be meaningless.
3) The usual mantras to solve the alleged problem (less gas, less coal, etc) are to be replaced by alternatives that-- at best-- postpone it. What will billions of acres of giant wind turbines do to the weather, never mind bird and insect populations and patterns? What will geothermal heating and cooling do to the Earth itself? Nobody really knows. Too often, government mandated cures are as bad as, or worse than, whatever is to be cured-- especially when rushed through.
We seem to forget that much of early civilization was migratory, precisely because of weather patterns such as we are seeing today. There are indications the climate has simply been calmer for some time but the data relating to that tend to be ignored.
Hmmm. I started out just wanting to talk about spring time in Texas. And that's really what It I'd rather do. I miss the Miata, but at least I have windows and a sun roof. We have a back porch. We have a great neighborhood for walking, with trails, a creek (of sorts), and parks nearby. When traffic is moving, I even enjoy the commute to work just because of the weather.
If you aren't enjoying yours, perhaps you should consider a migratory lifestyle. We can always put you up here for a bit. Swimming, anyone?
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Door Number Three
Recently a teen friend, Tania Sithole, said something to the effect of, "When one door closes, God opens another. You just have to have faith". I started thinking about how we react to closed doors.
Life is never a stone wall with nowhere to go, even though it occasionally looks and feels that way. The open door may not be directly in front of us on the path we were headed down, but it's there. It may be to the side, or we may need to back track a bit and try another path, but there's always an open door.
Some of us, though, have a tendency to stay at the closed door. We might keep knocking or ringing the bell. We might try to knock it down. We might just stare at it dumbly. Or fall down and weep. But we won't go anywhere until we quit worrying about that closed door.
Others just turn back, giving up all hope of going forward, or at least anywhere they want to go. "The door was shut, I'm doomed". Well, yeah, if you choose to be doomed you can be, but it's a silly choice.
And that's what a lot of us miss, that we do have choices. We can choose to demand that things go our way every time, and get nowhere we really want to go (unless we're self-centered to the point of absurdity), or we can choose to make the best of what shows up-- and to look around to see what's there.
While you're at it, you might want to choose to think about where all those open doors come from. Do they really just pop randomly out of an impersonal universe, or is it possible someone loves you and is offering you a way into something better?
Life is never a stone wall with nowhere to go, even though it occasionally looks and feels that way. The open door may not be directly in front of us on the path we were headed down, but it's there. It may be to the side, or we may need to back track a bit and try another path, but there's always an open door.
Some of us, though, have a tendency to stay at the closed door. We might keep knocking or ringing the bell. We might try to knock it down. We might just stare at it dumbly. Or fall down and weep. But we won't go anywhere until we quit worrying about that closed door.
Others just turn back, giving up all hope of going forward, or at least anywhere they want to go. "The door was shut, I'm doomed". Well, yeah, if you choose to be doomed you can be, but it's a silly choice.
And that's what a lot of us miss, that we do have choices. We can choose to demand that things go our way every time, and get nowhere we really want to go (unless we're self-centered to the point of absurdity), or we can choose to make the best of what shows up-- and to look around to see what's there.
While you're at it, you might want to choose to think about where all those open doors come from. Do they really just pop randomly out of an impersonal universe, or is it possible someone loves you and is offering you a way into something better?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
What I Did With my Thanksgiving (2010) Vacation
Technically, I didn't take any extra vacation time this year at Thanksgiving. But I ended up taking the Monday before Thanksgiving (and part of Tuesday) as sick time.
When I woke up Monday morning I sat up, felt like I had rocketed up, and almost fell over. I felt very dizzy. OK, sometimes we sit up too fast; it goes away in a few seconds.
Nope. Not even in a few minutes.
I took stock-- no pain, mobility issues, chest aberrations, shortness of breath-- nothing. Just very dizzy. I didn't *quite* stagger into my office, where I researched dizziness on-line. With no other symptoms, it was wide open. The one thing I could do was check for low blood pressure. Nope. Normal.
Called the doctor, made an appointment. When I went to bathe, the hot water in the tub wouldn't shut off completely. When I turned harder (but not very hard) something in the valve (probably close to 30 years old) snapped, and now the handle would spin completely around through Off and On.
Call the plumber. No answer. Call another plumber. Yes, it's kind of an emergency. Thanks.
Sharon thought to turn off the water to the water heater. That was good enough for us but not for the plumber, as a little water was still leaking. He had to shut off water to the house. Probably $200 to fix this. We left Josiah in charge and Sharon drove me to the doctor.
We crested a hill on the toll road off ramp to see a car pulled over to the side. As we pulled closer I realized the young woman hanging out of it was waving both middle fingers at passing vehicles and screaming obscenities with, shall we say, a great deal of feeling. A pickup truck was pulling over to help, but apparently the driver changed his mind when he realized what the woman was doing. We called 911 and proceeded to the doctor's office...
Where she found nothing obvious except excessive ear wax. They flushed my ear with warm-ish H2O2 and H2O. After that, things improved. The dizziness was mostly gone, but I still felt unbalanced (yeah, I know, what else is new?) She told me to use an anti-dizziness medicine and it would probably clear up. (If not, it's off to an ENT. Perhaps Treebeard.) Oh, and get some rest.
So I spent most of my day resting. Reading, napping, talking with my son, watching my grandson play. Not the day I'd planned, but I've had far, far worse.
The bird woman, BTW, was gone when we returned. And no signs of wreckage or blood. Huzzah!
The next day was better, but not 100% better. My ear, that is. The faucet, too, come to think of it. The water shut off, but the hot water valve still spins. But the cost was only $100, and the plumber fixed a minor leak on the cold water valve as well. And it seems that spinnable valves are the Hot Thing in plumbing, so maybe I'll just break the cold valve as well.
By the end of the week, everything was back to normal. If anyone wants to buy futures in ear wax, let me know.
When I woke up Monday morning I sat up, felt like I had rocketed up, and almost fell over. I felt very dizzy. OK, sometimes we sit up too fast; it goes away in a few seconds.
Nope. Not even in a few minutes.
I took stock-- no pain, mobility issues, chest aberrations, shortness of breath-- nothing. Just very dizzy. I didn't *quite* stagger into my office, where I researched dizziness on-line. With no other symptoms, it was wide open. The one thing I could do was check for low blood pressure. Nope. Normal.
Called the doctor, made an appointment. When I went to bathe, the hot water in the tub wouldn't shut off completely. When I turned harder (but not very hard) something in the valve (probably close to 30 years old) snapped, and now the handle would spin completely around through Off and On.
Call the plumber. No answer. Call another plumber. Yes, it's kind of an emergency. Thanks.
Sharon thought to turn off the water to the water heater. That was good enough for us but not for the plumber, as a little water was still leaking. He had to shut off water to the house. Probably $200 to fix this. We left Josiah in charge and Sharon drove me to the doctor.
We crested a hill on the toll road off ramp to see a car pulled over to the side. As we pulled closer I realized the young woman hanging out of it was waving both middle fingers at passing vehicles and screaming obscenities with, shall we say, a great deal of feeling. A pickup truck was pulling over to help, but apparently the driver changed his mind when he realized what the woman was doing. We called 911 and proceeded to the doctor's office...
Where she found nothing obvious except excessive ear wax. They flushed my ear with warm-ish H2O2 and H2O. After that, things improved. The dizziness was mostly gone, but I still felt unbalanced (yeah, I know, what else is new?) She told me to use an anti-dizziness medicine and it would probably clear up. (If not, it's off to an ENT. Perhaps Treebeard.) Oh, and get some rest.
So I spent most of my day resting. Reading, napping, talking with my son, watching my grandson play. Not the day I'd planned, but I've had far, far worse.
The bird woman, BTW, was gone when we returned. And no signs of wreckage or blood. Huzzah!
The next day was better, but not 100% better. My ear, that is. The faucet, too, come to think of it. The water shut off, but the hot water valve still spins. But the cost was only $100, and the plumber fixed a minor leak on the cold water valve as well. And it seems that spinnable valves are the Hot Thing in plumbing, so maybe I'll just break the cold valve as well.
By the end of the week, everything was back to normal. If anyone wants to buy futures in ear wax, let me know.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Monday, February 08, 2010
Open Letter to Facebook After Another UI Debacle
I sent this to facebook after I was was "upgraded" to their new UI (user interface); I post it here in hopes others will send similar messages. Each time they change things, they annoy millions of users. If they would adhere to some basic, proven ideas, they could make far more users happy without a lot of wasted effort. If you agree with these, please send a similar message to Facebook. Feel free to copy and paste this with an "I agree", or just point them to this blog. Or send your own suggestions. Merely complaining about the current UI won't likely help. File your suggestions via the page at http://www.facebook.com/help/suggestions.php (which was much easier to find via google than via facebook).
...
Instead of deciding every few months what users want to see on the home page, why not just give the users control?
First, under account settings, let each user decide what they want with a list of feed checkboxes, something like:
and so on for everything that can show up. (Note: Selections in the above example are not meant to be defaults, just what I, personally would select from that subset.)
Secondly, every category should be available on the left hand menu. You removed the "Statuses" choice among others, which has annoyed quite a few users.
Thirdly, bring back the ability to arrange those choices on the left. I have no use for applications or games, so I would prefer those to be in the section that is not displayed unless I click on "More". But I would like to see Notes up there (among others).
I suppose you could tie the checkbox list and the left hand menu together, so that those checked would appear in the top section, and those unchecked would appear in the normally hidden section.
The top menu mechanism needs to stabilize. I don't care if submenus are rollovers or appear on clicking, but pick one and stay with it more or less forever.
Along those lines, the top menus should have submenus wherever possible. For instance, the Profile menu should have a submenu listing the tabs that show up on the profile (Notes, Info, etc.) to let you pick the first tab you want to see at a given time. Messages should have a submenu for Inbox, Sent, Compose, etc.
Finally (for now), please get rid of the minimum screen width requirement. There are still people using monitors with less horizontal resolution than you require, who hate having to scroll. Netbook users, in particular, are going to loathe this. I am currently using my backup monitor (width 1280). My daughter in law is using something similar. We both hate this "feature". Pick the minimum, reasonable space you need on the side[s], and use whatever is left for the remaining content.
Thank you.
Miles O'Neal (and scads of others, based on his current, Facebook home page)
Instead of deciding every few months what users want to see on the home page, why not just give the users control?
First, under account settings, let each user decide what they want with a list of feed checkboxes, something like:
What I want to see on my home page:
[x] Statuses
[ ] Application notifications
[ ] Game notifications
[x] Photo notifications
and so on for everything that can show up. (Note: Selections in the above example are not meant to be defaults, just what I, personally would select from that subset.)
Secondly, every category should be available on the left hand menu. You removed the "Statuses" choice among others, which has annoyed quite a few users.
Thirdly, bring back the ability to arrange those choices on the left. I have no use for applications or games, so I would prefer those to be in the section that is not displayed unless I click on "More". But I would like to see Notes up there (among others).
I suppose you could tie the checkbox list and the left hand menu together, so that those checked would appear in the top section, and those unchecked would appear in the normally hidden section.
The top menu mechanism needs to stabilize. I don't care if submenus are rollovers or appear on clicking, but pick one and stay with it more or less forever.
Along those lines, the top menus should have submenus wherever possible. For instance, the Profile menu should have a submenu listing the tabs that show up on the profile (Notes, Info, etc.) to let you pick the first tab you want to see at a given time. Messages should have a submenu for Inbox, Sent, Compose, etc.
Finally (for now), please get rid of the minimum screen width requirement. There are still people using monitors with less horizontal resolution than you require, who hate having to scroll. Netbook users, in particular, are going to loathe this. I am currently using my backup monitor (width 1280). My daughter in law is using something similar. We both hate this "feature". Pick the minimum, reasonable space you need on the side[s], and use whatever is left for the remaining content.
Thank you.
Miles O'Neal (and scads of others, based on his current, Facebook home page)
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