New Election Process: A Modest proposal

I think it's clear to everyone that we have major problems with the current election process in the USA.

• It's nearly impossible for a third party to get very far in the scene.
• The money wasted on campaigns each year could fund a lot of new jobs, perhaps even jobs producing something that's actually useful.
• Apparently the two parties cannot find reasonable candidates so they randomly pick guys with expensive suits and haircuts.
• Hanging Chads would make a great band name, but it's a lousy way to count votes.
• There's not always a clear winner.
• Nobody trusts electronic voting but the current election's winners.

Rather than trying to tweak it, I propose we do away with the current system entirely. In its place, we implement what we already refer to in every election, a "battleground state".

In this method, the Supreme Court justices would write the names of states and other areas allowed to vote (Washington (DC), Puerto Rico, George Soros' bank accounts) and put them into a Bingo ball basket. The Chief Justice would don a blindfold and draw a slip at random.

The winning state, territory or other entity would then pick a location within its borders. Amidst much fanfare, the two parties would then battle it out. Any and all weapons short of those of mass destruction could be used. Once one side was wiped out or gave up, everyone left alive would be arrested, tried, convicted automatically for hate crimes and "participation in organized genocide"-- perhaps with RICO charges as well-- and locked up in Gitmo.

Then we'd hold write-in elections.

My name is Roadkill, and I approve this message.

Dear Candidates

Dear Candidates,

Don't bother to tell me why I shouldn't vote for someone else, or what's wrong with someone else, unless you're going to spend a lot more time telling me why I should vote for you, and what's right with you. (And maybe what's wrong with you. Transparency and honesty are a big win in my book.)

Otherwise, all you're really doing is trying to sell yourself as the lesser of two evils. "Never mind about me! I'm not as bad as ______!" Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself? And why would I vote for anyone like that?

The simple answer is, I don't plan to. I'm really fed up with voting for the lesser of two evils. This year, I plan to vote for someone. If I can't find a third party candidate I like, I will write someone in.

I know that some people will call this a wasted vote. No vote is wasted. When one of you just squeaks by because lots of people voted for your opponent, you know you have a hard road ahead; it's different from a landslide mandate (though it's always a mandate-- has everyone else noticed that? A one vote victory is a mandate.) So pay attention, because I'm not alone. You've tricked a lot of people into playing your game ("Vote for me or it's _____ for four years, the end of life on this planet!")

Will it make a difference? Maybe not today. But just knowing you are not alone makes a difference-- just ask the Occupiers. Or the people who backed Congress down over SOPA and PIPA.

For my friends whose conscience demands they vote against the Evil Du Jour (regardless of party), by all means, vote your conscience. I don't condemn you at all. I ask the same courtesy.

-Tired of Games in Texas