Sunday, December 21, 2014

Riffing on the Past That Wasn't There

You're at a vow renewal where your spouse knows the bride, but you know no one other than a couple of people sitting on the bride's side. Well, and your spouse. At the reception a videographer asks if you have anything you'd like to say to the bride and groom.

Your spouse, knowing the bride and being a really great person, comes up with something sweet and adds a cool blessing. It's your turn.

The obvious thing- at least if you are me- is to just be honest:

"Hey, I don't know either one of you, but that was a great wedding. Thanks for inviting us, and thanks especially for the fajitas and cake!"
On the plus side it's honest. On the minus side it comes off rather cynically.

But if you're me then your creative side takes over; you riff and create a memory. After adding a little bit of a blessing, you gaze off into the painful, invented past, and you speak:

"I think my favorite memory of you two is the time we went zip lining. I fell and broke my leg. I waited and waited for you to come help but it was three days before anyone showed up; I almost died. Then I found out you two were so in love that you suddenly had to have a second honeymoon. I couldn't fault you for that. Y'all rock."
P.S. This is all true. Welcome to my life.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Conspiracy Theory #17: Ugly Cars and Stupid Names

It has been clear for years that the bean counters in the US auto industry successfully banished all the better stylists and brought in surplus Soviet designers who had been locked away in prison because their designs were marginally less boring and ugly than what the party leaders wanted.

While the bean counters did plenty of damage elsewhere, boring cars didn't help flagging sales at all. Some of these cars made me want to claw my eyeballs out. The recent spate of muscle cars shows at least a partial reversal of this trend.

Since the early 1970s, the Mustang just got more and more boring. Someone screwed up in the early 1990s and made one that was almost cool looking, Ford sort of fumbled forward, gradually doing a better job, finally unveiling the current herd of really nice looking Mustangs. These in turn got a response from Chevy and Dodge, who brought out gorgeous Camaros, Chargers, and Challengers. The new Shelby Mustang (despite the fact that Carroll Shelby is dead) looks like it should be a thing of beauty, something car lovers might drool over.

Only time will tell whether this trend will spread throughout the industry.

In related news, who comes up with new car names? There are a lot of really bad or just silly car names out there, but the US Big Three aren't as bad as some of the other companies. The award for Worst Name of 2014 has to go to Hyundai for...

(drum roll, please!)

the IQ.

Seriously. I can only assume this is their take on the SMART Car (a dismal failure in these parts). All I can think of is Thor looking at someone trying to get him into this car.

"Your IQ. It's so... tiny."

And then Hulk accidentally stepped on it because it was so small he didn't see it.

"Look, brother!" Loki laughed. "Someone had a smaller IQ than the beast!"

Hulk stepped on Loki next but not by accident. "Puny god. Puny IQ."

Friday, November 28, 2014

Thanksgiving Letter for my Nuclear Family

I'm a family kinda guy. So every once in a while, I get all mushy and write a serious letter to my friends on the net about some sugary, Disneyesque kinda thang that happens at a family get together. This is one of those sentimental, nuclear family kinda thangs.
To my fiends (but not my enemas):

Just thought I'd share my Thanksgiving Day with you.

It started by me being hit by a quark just as I was getting out of bed. A large, very green, and not-too-theoretical one. No strings attached, as far as I could tell. It had to happen on a holiday, when I'm off work anyway, right?

It hit me right in the solar plexus, breaking several ribs and tearing some ligaments. So, instead of spending the day with my family, I was in the Emergency Room of the Georgia Tech Particle Physics Lab.

I was on the phone about noon with my brother Dave (# 381), who said that nearly everyone said to say hi. I should tell you we are the quintessential nuclear family. There were supposed to be 3 more people here this year than last year (235 by count), as we had 3 new additions to the family. I was the only one not making it.

As a PhD probed my chest cavity with a helium-filled sphere, and a masters-level co-ed stopped my bleeding, Dave described the scene. He said that the more people got there, the livelier things got. Everyone seemed to just glow. The place had gotten so hot with all the family there, that even with the windows open and the whole house fan on, sucking 35 degree air through, the walls were starting to discolor.

I heard a kid in the background scream, "Aunt Bertha's finally here!" Dave said, "Well, that's everyone but you..." I started to reply, when I heard Aunt Bertha's laugh drift through the phone. I could easily visualize the scene - all of them crammed in the giant basement we had finished as 1 big room just for this occasion, all my family, including surviving cousins, nephews, etc - anyone left from the old days in Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and Alamogordo - the Curies, the Raydons, the Pleughtohniums. The phone started to buzz, and I heard hollering and apparent pandemonium. The only phrase I could make out was Dad yelling something that sounded like "critical mass", when with a loud noise, the phone went dead.

Every light in the building went out. A couple of seconds later, the building felt like it was in an earthquake. Right after that, the sound of a terrific explosion shook us again. One of the attending EEs ran outside to look, and came running back in a moment later, describing a mushroom cloud off to the northwest. I alone knew the exact location.

Later I found out it was a small blast, taking out only 3 blocks, although a somewhat larger area still glows softly at night. I will visit there as soon as I am able, to leave some flowers, if they survive the hike in.

The co-ed with the tourniquet around my heart touched my face gently and asked, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Because I'll never get to taste the new pumpkin pie recipe Aunt Bertha was going to bring!", I sobbed.

I was wrong. Later, one of the profs brought me some glowing orange stuff he had found outside. It was delicious. Meanwhile, I have proposed to the co-ed (her name is Linda), and we will be married in a month.

I can hardly wait. In just a quarter of a century or so, there might be enough of us to start having these family reunions again.

Happy Thanksgiving from me & the rest of the turkeys@Roadkills-R-Us

 

Copyright 1988, 1994, 2014 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved.

Monday, November 17, 2014

The Flu: All Types Including The Martian Death Flu

The flu (short for "influenza", not "thing that goes from fireplace to chimney", which is a "flue") is a type of virus that manages- despite vaccines, soap, hand sanitizer, TV news, and school lunches- to kill anywhere from 3,000 to almost 50,000 people in the USA every year. So we should take this at least as seriously as, say, the VA system.

The flu comes in several grades- A, B, and C. The highest grade, A, goes to the type of flu responsible for pandemics. One of the fun facts about this flu is that it can be worse or milder than other forms. It's pretty much a ninja flu and has been known to hitch rides with birds.

Type B is not responsible for pandemics, merely epidemics. It wants to grow up and be type A. Meanwhile, it's merely a mediocre flu pandering to the teachers to get attention.

Type C is mildest of all, kind of the Peter Parker of flues, only with no radioactive spider in sight. Like the grade C in school, it's just sort of there. Nobody really pays it any attention. It just hangs out and wishes it had the guts to do something to make headlines.

BUT... there is another entire set of flues, flues so insidious they spit on grades (and the grades die painful deaths). These are all variants of the Martian Death Flu. Some of you may have first heard about this in the 1980s from noted medical scientist Dave Barry, but I assume you that those of us with Martian DNA have known about it from before Dave's great, great, great, great grandfather was a gleam in the eye of an alchemist holding a test tube.

Variants you may remember hearing about include:

  • Hong Kong Flu
  • Swine Flew
  • Bird Flu
  • Gecko Flu
  • Paperweight Flu
  • Eastern Diamondback Flu
  • Farm-raised Tilapia Flu
  • H1B1 (a.k.a., "visa flu")
As the Martian Death Flu is named for its mortality rate of approximately 103 percent, there is always a panic when the latest variant is announced. Dour faced CDC spokespersons appear just before Hall-o-ween wearing bio-hazard suits and pointing flamethrowers at CNN and FOX news crews lest they get too close, utter warnings such as, "Stay indoors. Shut off your water. Try not to breathe or eat until spring." Some people die, and we all wonder how the rest of us survived.

The deaths are generally from Type A flu. Humans (even half humans like myself) are immune to the Martian Death Flu. No one knows why, and no one cares except the Martians, only they're dead.

The good news is that we now have Tamiflu[tm]. This wonder drug has, after taking 90% of the full regimen, done almost nothing to help me, as far as I can tell. But on the other side of the coin, my doctor no longer returns my phone calls so either she assumes it's my estate calling or she is home sick with Type A flu as well.

Either way, stay safe. Take basic precautions: wear a mask (preferably a full bio-hazard suit); don't kiss anyone; don't touch smooth surfaces with your skin (again, wear the suit!). This gives you a 75% chance of survival. If you want to bump that up to 100%, simply stop eating, breathing, and drinking until spring. And keep a flamethrower handy to enforce your personal space. If they would feel the heat, they're too close.

Thursday, November 06, 2014

Supreme Temptations

Thinking about some of my favorite bands over the years, a couple of early Motown groups stand out- the Supremes and the Temptations.

The Supremes helped Motown revolutionize the musical landscape, appealing to both black and white audiences. Berry Gordy intentionally feminized and glamorized the ladies; it was brilliant and they changed the face of music. They had a series of hits, mainly love songs. Like many of my friends I knew every one of those hits by heart. (Roadkill Trivia: I could sing Diana Ross's parts note for note, no matter how high, until I was 20. But overnight I lost about an octave and a half of vocal range. I was devastated but I think a couple of my friends were relieved. They thought it was unnatural.

Embedded in some of the Supremes' love songs we find social insight. I loved "Love Child" long before I realized the depths there; as I understood more I loved it more.

The Temptations had more revolutionary songs. While they had some love songs they also had brilliant social commentary ("Ball of Confusion"), songs about the human condition ("Smiling Faces", "Papa Was a Rolling Stone"), and celebrations of the times ("Psychedelic Shack"). They had some of the first songs to make use of sampling. While their radio hits were longer than some (four to six minutes), some of my favorite works are the longer album versions of the same songs; these stretched to twelve minutes or more. "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" is about as poignant as it gets; there are some excellent covers (such as that of Was (not Was)) but the original is still the best.

When I was 12 or 13 my parents bought a small house next door as an investment property. The former owners left behind thousands of books and records of all sizes and speeds (yes, speeds!). I claimed hundreds of Motown and related 45s as my own. There were dozens of artists represented. I played them all, but I wore out the Supremes and Temptations discs. I pretty much reduced them to prismatic Frisbee, incapable of producing anything like a high fidelity sounds- but by then I knew them so well I didn't need to play them to hear them.

A lot more music has wormed its way into my psyche since. An awful lot of that music- from Janis to Jimi, from Skynyrd to Bootsy, from Beck to NIN- would never have gotten a second listen if I hadn't heard the Supremes and Temptations. They blew all my musical walls down.

And they sound every bit as good today as they did then.

Baby, baby, where did our love go?

Nowhere, babe. It's right here. I love you as much as ever.

Requiem: Like so many artistic stories, there's pain here as well if you look into the lives of the artists. The worst? Jealousy and rejection drove Florence Ballard (a founding member of the Supremes) to heavy drinking and destructive behavior. She was kicked out of the Supremes. She was putting her life back together when she died at the age of 32.

 

AFTERWARD

As a teen I generally preferred the Supremes over the Temptations. Over the years I would still say that, but I came to the realization that I really preferred the Temptations. I see two obvious reasons.

  1. The Supremes songs are generally formulaic; most of them sound very similar. The Temptations, as readily recognizable as the Supremes, were far more exploratory musically and stylistically diverse.
  2. Most Supremes songs are all "love songs", which are really songs of romance, attraction, desire, or pain. All common feelings, but just that-- feelings. Arguably the Temptations (who did their share of classic love songs) sang about the more important types of love, love that was more than just emotion. "Papa Was a Rolling Stone", "Smiling Faces", "Runaway Child, Running Wild", even "Ball of Confusion" were all love songs in the deeper sense.

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Son... Just Don't.

Remember that scene in The Avengers where they finally gel as a team, and Cap, Hawk, and Natasha walk onto a plane and the tech working on it tries to deny them?

Tech: "Sir, you're not authorized..."
Cap: "Son... Just don't."

(They walk right past him and take off.)

While the dialog was technically different this pretty much happened on the back porch this morning when a Dad (Gram) took a toddler (Evelyn) onto the back porch and then tried to keep her out of the rain.

Dad: "Ma'am, you're not authorized..."
Kid: "Dad... Just don't."

She knows what she wants and she's going for it!

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Riviera Paradise: Hauntingly Beautiful

Atlanta somehow managed to mostly ignore Stevie. I had one friend who talked about him, but I only heard a couple of songs, and they didn't do that much for me at the time. Then I moved out to Austin.

The first time I heard "Riviera Paradise" I was driving home from work around midnight. Jay Trachtenberg or one of the other long term icons at KUT or KLRU introduced it by reminiscing that many times at Antone's after a show, when the crowd had mostly gone and only the last few hangers on were around, Stevie would come sit on the edge of the stage with the lights down low and play this. I could see it in my mind's eye, feel the room, smell and taste the air. I was totally there, caught up in the moment with Stevie and his most loyal fans. I have no recollection of the next ten miles of MoPac.

I fell in love with Stevie, hook, line, and sinker.

Years later I finally went to a concert at Antone's. I hung around after Alien Love Child was done just to drink the place in. The techs dimmed the lights and put this song through the sound system. That radio intro came back to mind. I nearly cried. I don't recall leaving or driving home; I just woke up when the alarm went off the next morning, thinking it had to be a dream.

Wish I could have seen Stevie play. Wish I'd known him.

One day.

(This song still sends shivers up my spine.)

[Studio version from In Step]

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Going Hyperbolistic!

There is a war on the English language!

Just one attack herein lies:

"The setup is almost as identical as last week, maybe a touch farther south."

From this is a weatherperson at reliable source of a news. It driving me as crazy.

(I'm tired of poor writing from professionals, but I'm really fed up with everything being a "war on" something-- Christmas, women, etc. It's ok to disagree; it doesn't mean there's a war on! As a protest, don't be surprised to my see calling things every a war.)

I am declaring war on hyperbolic wars. Not on hyperbaric wars. At least not intentionally. Unless they are also hyperbolic wars.

Caterpillars From Hell

When I was a kid, we had two kinds of caterpillars:
  1. really cute ones, some of which were fuzzy, that crawled on the ground or trees and you picked up and played with; you just knew they turned into the coolest butterflies, and
  2. not so cute or pretty ones that apparently had mated with spiders and left evil webs everywhere. These clearly turned into vampire moths.
Now we have many more types:
  1. fuzzy ones that burn you;
  2. fuzzier ones that sting like a wasp and cause allergic reactions that can hospitalize you;
  3. even fuzzier ones that will gouge your eyes out;
  4. caterpillars so fuzzy and evil they cause zombies to run away screaming, ignoring brains as they flee.
Where did these all come from? Terrorists? The same people who brought you chem trails? Failed Monsanto GMOs? Alien invasion? Whatever the origins, where the heck are the Avengers?

Meanwhile, do not touch anything that even vaguely resembles a caterpillar. Annihilate it with as much force as you can muster. If you happen to take out a tree, a car, a home, or a neighborhood, well, superheroes have collateral damage, too. At least you helped save the planet... even if you destroyed it in the process.

Monday, October 27, 2014

SpaceX Splashdown - So What?

You probably have no idea how happy I am to hear of the SpaceX successes. I started thinking about this after the safe return of a Dragon capsule from the 4th successful SpaceX ISS trip.

I grew up in the space age. Some of my favorite childhood memories involved being glued to a radio or TV, counting down toward zero. "We have ignition... We have liftoff! We have liftoff! All systems still go!" There was an excitement in the voices from Mission Control you now mainly hear when the underdog wins the World Series or Superbowl. It was a Big Deal. And every kid with the least bit of interest in space, especially those of us who through science fiction the best breakfast food around, knew we would get there. We couldn't wait.

Some of my favorite memories of childhood involve Dad getting me up in the middle of the night to watch a liftoff, or a splashdown. He loved them, and he know how much I loved them. One of the first model kits I recall building (with hep from Dad as it wasn't simple) was a helicopter lifting a Mercury capsule out of the water. It came complete with a little John Glenn. It was my pride and joy.

I was too young to even take note of Sputnik, but the collective national US memory and resultant fear was a palpable thing through my early childhood. This carried on throughout much of the 1960s as we seemed always to be playing catch up with the Soviets, who were first with a satellite, first with an animal in space, first with a man in space, first to orbit the Earth, first with a woman in space... But we beat them to the Moon. It was 1969. Vietnam. Hippies. Chicago. Not a comfortable year but... we landed on the Moon!

But after a few more trips to Luna, we just kind of gave up. We had been so focused on the Moon we had no plan for beyond. With everything else going on, there was no energy for one, and no will to develop one- much less spend the money. Oh, we messed around almost pointlessly a few years, but that was it.

I'd known from four or five years old that I would go to space and visit the Moon, if not live there a while. I was determined to get at least to Mars, and hopefully the stars. There was really no limit. But by the mid 1970s, such dreams were nearly dead. It was easier to get lost into science fiction and fantasy; it was clear we weren't going anywhere.

I kept hearing rumors about a space shuttle program. But by then I refused to hope. I managed to ignore the takeoff and first mission, but found myself glued to a TV with my wife, Nick Pomponio, and other friends when it came time for the shuttle landing. For them, it was just cool. But I felt a breeze fanning flames of hope from what I'd thought were dead coals. The fire was rekindled.

But we still had no real direction and little national will to do much with space technology. Eventually we let the Russians and anyone else who wanted it have whatever glory was left. Sure, we flew to the ISS and back, left some people there, did some experiments. But that was it. It was science, and space flight, but hardly space exploration or bringing space flight to the masses. I gave up again.

And then...

And then SpaceX. Thank God for Elon Musk. To quote Wikipedia,

"Historic achievements by SpaceX, among others, include the first privately funded, liquid-fueled rocket (Falcon 1) to reach orbit (28 September 2008); the first privately funded company to successfully launch (by Falcon 9), orbit and recover a spacecraft (Dragon) (9 December 2010); the first private company to send a spacecraft (Dragon) to the International Space Station (25 May 2012); and the first private company to send a satellite into geosynchronous orbit (3 December 2013)."
So what's SpaceX's current big goal? According to Forbes, via Wikipedia,
"SpaceX Chief Executive Officer Musk stated in June 2013 that he intends to hold off any potential IPO of SpaceX shares on the stock market until after the "Mars Colonial Transporter is flying regularly."
I may get to go home yet.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Three Rounds of Golf

Growing up I was never very into golf. I could watch a few minute son TV, but that was it. I loved the golf bag, the clubs, the balls, the tees. I loved whacking golf balls around the yard. Putt Putt wormed its way into my heart pretty quickly. Golf? Not so much.

This became a real handicap (oops) after we moved to Augusta, the home of the Masters Golf Tournament. I doubt anyone takes golf more seriously than those involved with the Augusta National. Not caring about golf just re-enforced my permanent status as Freak of the Week.

My real introduction to golf came when one of my best friends- John Steiner- insisted I come play a round of golf with him at the local V.A> course. Since his Dad was a colonel (possibly retired, I can't recall) John felt it was OK to go. He then decided we should play just the back nine to avoid having to explain our legitimacy. Yes, we were the quintessential ninth graders.

John knew he'd never be a golf pro, but it was still one of his passions, and he pursued it. (He did get to caddie at the Masters a couple of years later, which meant he got to play the course the day after the tournament. He was content to die after that.) John was sure he would have me playing and loving golf in no time. To his credit, my score for the back nine was in the high 30s.

Sort of.

Technically we only played four holes and change. By them I had lost all the balls he had brought and the few we had found looking for some of those. I think he lost one and I lost the rest of two dozen or so. He'd at least been smart enough to bring only the older balls he had scavenged from the rough and water hazards. John was thoroughly embarrassed by my playing. Not only did he never invite me to play golf again; he never even mentioned that day other than once asking that I never mention it.

That was the day I moved from ambivalence toward golf to loathing.

 

Fast forward three decades. My manager at Vignette, Robin Wilson, decided we needed a team bonding event. He and a couple of his trusted lieutenants decided on golf. Most of the fifteen or so team members had never played. "Don't worry, we'll play best ball." This failed to reassure most of us; I assumed it meant I would lose more expensive balls than before. But no, Best Ball means that everyone on a team takes their best shot, and the whole team moves their balls to the best position where any team member's ball lies. The team's score is the best score possible out of all the balls they hit.

They chose teams of four, but Robin, Charles, and I ended up with a team of three. "This is strictly for fun, guys. No competition." And most of the team managed to go with that. But one guy was super competitive. We'll call him Fred. Fred ended up on a team of two mediocre players and Anne, possibly the only person on the course that day who was worse at golf than me. My absolute favorite memory is of her teeing off as hard as she could, and spinning around three times as a result. Fred was standing about ten feet behind her. He threw his hands up and was obviously pouring out lamentations to the sky.

Apparently Fred had insisted on a bet with Robin. Fred lost that bet rather handily, even despite Anne's hole in one later on. Fred was rattled and his game was off. Meanwhile, I had a couple of best balls, including one that got us an eagle. I moved from loathing to admitting that golf could actually be fun. Maybe once every three decades.

 

It's been nowhere near three decades, but I can see myself playing a third round of golf soon if they will allow me a few rule changes.

  1. Forget clubs; the balls will be fired from high powered air cannons.
  2. No scopes on the cannons; rifle sights will have to suffice.
  3. The air cannons will be mounted on high speed golf carts, a la WWII jeeps with machine guns on the back (anyone remember The Rat Patrol?)
  4. Balls can only be fired while the carts are moving.
  5. The goal is to strike an opponent with a ball. A hit is a point. A knockdown is three points.
  6. All players, caddies/drivers, and officials on the course must wear motocross armor.
  7. Accidental hits on officials do not get points. Intentional hits get points just as for hitting another player but play stops while the officials throw the offending golfer into the nearest water hazard.
  8. Water hazards may contain leeches and other vermin.
  9. Stationary decoys are allowed. Hitting a decoy is a point for the player who placed the decoy.
This would make me one of golf's biggest proponents. I would even buy loud clothes to wear over the armor. I would even consider endorsing sponsors. Titleist? Perhaps. Winchester, Ruger, Remington, or Barrett? You know it.

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Armadillo Job Reference

A friend asked me if she could use me as a reference for a job. I said, "Of course!"

She noted that she wanted someone who wasn't afraid to say she was a little weird (it's a very Austin employer). Here's what I came up with in case they contact me.

"We met at a Young Republicans convention trying to get Dick Nixon back for a third term. We hit it off immediately. The last few years I have only seen her at PTA meetings and PETA meetings. In both cases she was fighting for abstinence, either for kids or for animals. She had to go underground a month ago when PETA's Bunny Rabbit Procreation Expansion Drive showed up at her door with little rabbit pitchforks and torches in their little rabbit paws."

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Saturnday Morning Haiku

I love my sweet wife
I love her more than bacon
That is all (haiku)

Missing syllable,
Why do you hide from me?
Incomplete haiku.

Self-referential
Existence commentary
On meta-haikus

Everything is huge
One and one makes eleven
I love you, base two!

What is that, you say?
One of these does not belong here?
Free association!

What is that, you say?
One of these does not belong here?
Welcome to my life!

What is that, you say?
One of these does not belong here?
Stuck in endless loop.

What is that, you say?
One of these does not belong here?
Stuck in endless loop.

What is that, you say?
One of these does not belong here?
Stuck in endless loop.

Word word lather word
Word word word rinse word word word
Word repeat word word

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Why Do You Write?

I initially misread one of the questions I answered for the last blog. I thought it asked, "Why do you write?" I've been asked this before, and have never been sure how to answer this until now.

I'll answer with my own question. Why do you breathe?

Why do I write? Because I have to. Because I don't know how not to. I mean, you [I] can stop breathing [writing] for a while, but eventually something you can't control kicks in and you do it again. If an external force is stopping you from breathing, you start fighting. Your very life demands it. My physical life doesn't demand that I write but there's a real, vital part of me that does.

I've read almost as far back as I can remember; I've written most of that time as well. I vividly recall the first time Mom taught me to form letters. I was already captivated by the alphabet, words, punctuation, sentences, paragraphs, stories, books, magazines, you name it... but the idea that I could write? That I could make those same things? How could it be true? Oh, the bliss!

I wrote my first letters and thank you cards before grade school. I wrote well over a thousand "lines" my first month of school. Some of these were for getting creative with writing lines. That was NOT ALLOWED. But it was in my bones.

I wrote the first poem I was seriously proud of in second grade. It was about pygmies. I still had it a few years ago, but I have no idea where it is now (sad face). It contained four quatrains, each about a different aspect of being a pygmy. One was about weaponry, another about wearing very little (with mud between their toes and leaves brushing their skin). I forget the rest...

I wrote research papers. I liked some of them, though I probably bogged down more on these than anything else.

I wrote page length and longer notes to friends at school. In fourth grade I wrote up the rules for U.N.C.L.E., the spy group for boys. It was then I wrote the first love notes I can remember. In fifth grade I had stacks of 3x5 index cards covered in notes about the people all around me, a result of reading Harriet the Spy (still a favorite). I wrote my own comics.

In sixth or seventh grade, Claude Thompson and I decided to write a book together. He wrote a clone of parts of his favorite James Bond book. I wrote a collection of pithy sayings and one liners, very little of which was original. That one thankfully died a quick death.

In ninth or tenth grade, Dan Croft and I started "legal proceedings" against each other, having decided to be lawyers. For a couple of months, every school day we presented each other with a lawsuit, response to allegations, cease and desist, or whatever other other legal document we had cooked up. We worked hard on legalese and studied all the law we could find. Some of these documents ran eight to ten pages. Our parents were a bit worried.

In either eleventh or twelfth grade a teaching assistant- Miss Ball- really encouraged my writing even though some of it perturbed her (and well it should have). In twelfth grade, Mrs. Marion Unger, English teacher extraordinaire, creative writing teacher flying under the school radar, a Jewish saint, a brilliant, fun, open minded teacher, pretty much blew the doors off whatever was holding me back. She encouraged me not only to write, but to dream, to think the way I wanted and needed to, to find my voice and style rather than parrot what others said. She knocked some serious barriers down for me and gave me permission to destroy the rest.

For at least two quarters in college I spent an hour or two every night writing on the 3rd Street tunnel walls under I-75/85. I found some awesome friends doing the same thing. One turned out to be my roommate (we were all quite secretive at first.) Professor Frisbee at Georgia Tech was also a huge encouragement. We lost a great English teacher when he left to attend seminary.

For years I wrote off and on. I snuck stories into comments and even code as a software developer. I wrote text-based games. I was writing at least an hour a day for years on the net long before most people heard of it, when it was pretty much all text based. I was working long hours and writing was my sanity. For a few months I wrote something every day focused on exploring everything I could do within a random rule of writing. I spent the next few months writing something every day that explored breaking a random rule of writing. This was one of the best things I could have done.

I touched on the rest in the previous blog. But suffice it to say, not writing feels like it sucks the life out of me. I still like to write long emails and messages. I still like to write letters. I wrote dozens of kids' stories for my kids, for Tiffany Hall when she was battling cancer, for my grandkids. I blog. I facebook. I take notes. I write postcards. I come up with stories about anything and everything at the drop of a hat, a pin, or a bomb.

Why do I write?

Why do you breathe?

Can't stop. Won't stop.

Pausing is OK. I'll pause here. But not for long.

"Writing About Writing" Blog Tour

Thank you, Lisa Mikitarian, for including me in the "Writing About Writing" Blog Tour. I had to answer four "simple" questions. For some reason I wanted to answer four completely different questions, but I'll have a go at the ones I was given.

In the next week or two I'll introduce two or three other writers who will tackle these questions from their own perspectives. If you're new here, please subscribe. I promise not to sell, lease, rent, give away, or otherwise propagate your information, and the NSA already has it. I will never ask for your credit card information. (I prefer PayPal for online transactions. 8^)

(And... I'm off! But you probably knew that.)

  1. What are you currently working on?
    Right now a fair amount of what I'm doing is related to the process of self-publishing, or at least trying to get my head around doing it well. But when I am writing, I'm working on the second in a series of three or four YA novels. (Think historical fiction but include the dragons that most historians ignore.) I've also been working on some short stories to put on a web site to promote the novels but it's starting to look like the short stories may be parts of another novel set in the present day of the same timeline as the others.
  2. How does your work differ from others in the same genre?
    My characters tend to be based on people I have known so they tend to be unique and real. I also remember quite well what it was like to be the ages I write about. I totally lose myself in the characters and story; it's the writing equivalent of method acting. The result is realism even in surreal settings. Since I have lived with my characters and these mythical beings as friends, companions, and enemies my entire life, I think I can show them to you better than many writers who think they are making things up.

    Also, I write from the same frame of reference in which I live: "there is no box". Everything is fair game. I might overlay something everyone goes through onto a roller coaster no one else thought of.

  3. Why do you write what you write?
    I write what I love, whether that's in the technical landscape, new worlds, or about my faith. I also try to write what I know. I commit acts of research but they have to tie in somehow with things, places, times, actions, or people that I know or have known in some sense.

    As for the series mentioned above... I love teenagers. I love history. I love Scotland. I love dragons. I love plot twists. I love life. I love the mystical. I love myth. I love love. I love learning and growing.

    I love words. I love reading and writing. (I also love 'rithmetic, but that doesn't really factor into this discussion.)

  4. Describe your writing process.
    My friend Sally Hanan- the Inksnatcher- calls me a "pantser". While this sounds like someone you might hold onto your belt around, she means someone who "writes by the seat of their pants". It's not 100% true, but it's very close. I have always thought of it as stream of consciousness writing. Ideas, of course, come from anywhere and everywhere, inspired by anything, everything, and nothing. Once I start writing, it just flows. I often have no idea where I am going. Even when I do I probably have no idea how I will get there. That's half the fun for me; it's like reading a new story or book; you don't know what's coming. Then I finish, and... Hey! This is mine! I did this! And I like it! Here, you should read this!

    Unless it's something very short I usually put it away for anywhere from a few hours to a month (occasionally years). I'll then revisit it; is it worth editing or was it just a writing exercise? If it's good I'll clean it up and ask someone else (usually my wife Sharon) to read it. If they like it, I keep going. Sharon is also a very good editor, providing everything from plot suggestions to dialogue revisions to grammar and spelling correction (I inevitably miss some things). I have rewritten everything from clauses to multiple chapters.

    For years I thought I was incapable of writing novels; my process on the first novel expanded from that of my many short stories and various technical and other articles. For a month I wrote at least a chapter every night, and multiple chapters each weekend. When something was demanding to get out of my mind onto paper I just dove in; otherwise I would do a first edit on the previous days' work first. Sharon saw this chapter by chapter and several times as a finished work. After I finished the first draft I sat down and read straight through just as a reader to see how I liked it. I was pretty amazed with the result, even raw.

    I keep several files on each book and the series as a whole to keep track of people, places, and other things with names, the timeline, ideas for things coming later, quotes, problems, related writings, things I cut out but want to keep, background data, and so forth. I save a revision every so often.

    In addition to Sharon's editing passes, I made numerous trips through the entire book for purposes such as:

    • plot flow;
    • character development and consistency;
    • chapter self-containment
    • historical and geographical correctness as needed, temporal continuity;
    • dialogue;
    • spelling, grammar, punctuation;
    • overall feel, cliche removal, etc.
    It's not an exact process (pantser, remember?) but you get the idea.

    I've also found that thinking about troublesome scenes, characters, or other developments before I fall asleep brings some great insights- sometimes in completely different parts of the book (or series).

    Some writing begs to be done with pen and paper, some on my desktop computer. The novel refused to even start until I tried writing in LibreOffice on my MacBook Air. Why? Great question. Why does one piece of art want to be done in pastels, another with oil? Why does one song demand a Strat and another a Flying V? I quit arguing with my tools long ago.

I had a tight deadline for this blog; I may revisit it and edit it later, but I don't forsee any major plot twists such as killing off the Inksnatcher. Not right away at any rate.

Thanks again to Lisa for including me. If you haven't visited her blog you should; she's brilliant, witty, and sweeter than deep south iced tea.

Blessings and hugs to all.

THE END

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Normal? I doubt it.

A friend said, "Normal sucks!"

I think she is close but slightly off the mark.

Normal is purely a statistical fiction, an average, a mathematical representation of a group of some sort. I would venture to say there are no normal people, although there are- by mathematical definition- a great many people clustered nearby that point. But that's just math, not people. If there are any normal people they are statistical anomalies, either accidents or miracles depending upon your viewpoint.[1]

Normal doesn't suck.

Trying to become something you are not sucks.

Trying to make people normal sucks.

Worshiping normal sucks massively- more than the output of all the Hoovers, Electroluxes, Rainbows, and Kirbys put together.

But if you need to distill all of that down to a few words, a slogan, a reaction, then "Normal sucks!" works as well as anything.

 

NOTES
[1] None of us are accidents, but the fact that any of us fall smack dab onto the point labeled "normal" could well be. Although God does have a sense of humor.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Stop the presses, Merriam-Webster, I have a new word!

headline

Head-lie [hed-lie]
noun

  1. a lying headline, i.e., most headlines today, esp. those linked by social media.
  2. the largest lying headline on the front page, usually at the top.
verb (used with object)
  1. to furnish with a headlie
  2. to mention or name in a headlie.

 

Copyright 2014 Triple R Publishing, Round Rock, TX. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Yet Another Open letter to Facebook

Dear Facebook,

What's on my mind is that you appear to have lost yours. You have confused "most recent stories" with... I'm not sure what. I'm not accusing you of drug usage, but a comparison to opium nightmares would not be without merit.

I was initially appreciative when you returned the ability to select between "most recent stories" and your twisted concept of "top stories". But someone liking a status or commenting on one does not make it a recent post. The algorithm that selects which "recent stories" I will see is equally as stupid and pathetic as that choosing "top stories", a phrase which in any other context most English speakers understand. In the Facebook context, however, it appears to mean, "things selected somewhat at random after weeding out what we think you really want to see".

Is this another social experiment to see how much abuse your user base (a.k.a. merchandise) will put up with? That plot actually fits the data really well.

Sincerely,
A bunch of confused users

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Who Are You?

Life is so much easier if people are just real.

The great desire- and fear- of our society today is to be known. It's hard because so many don't know who they are, are afraid to be themselves, or they are convinced who they are is second class... at best.

God doesn't make mistakes or have accidents. You matter. You. Be you. Be the gift to the rest of us you are. There's your impact on the world around you, your legacy, your heritage.

You don't need to be someone else. They will do the best job of being them. You will do the best job of being you. Learn who you are, what you like, what you're good at, what you care about. Ask God to show you. Try things and see.

But be you. You will absolutely be the best at that, and the best you anyone could be.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

MoPac Madness (Why T-Rex Should Not Drive)

He looked pretty much like anyone else on the highway, just another guy trying to get to work on time.

The left lane was actually the fast lane today, if not by much. Suddenly he saw a wall of brake lights, from the car in front of him all the way across to the exit lane. He hit his brake, sparing a quick glance in the mirror to be sure the guy following hard on his tail was braking.

"What's wrong with you people?" he screamed inside his head. "Why are you stopping? There's no reason to stop!!!" In his mind he was beating tiny T-Rex fists ineffectively against the steering wheel.

He glanced at his speedometer. Technically they were in a construction zone, though there were clearly no workers, and there was clearly no construction. But this had been true the last five miles. Why had everyone stopped?

"Well, not exactly stopped," he thought. They had just slowed down from 70 to 60. In what was currently a 55 zone. He grinned mockingly at himself in the mirror. "Dude, you need to calm down."

True story. I crack me up.

Traffic is my nemesis. We hates it, my Precioussss, WE HATESSS IT!!!

Thursday, June 05, 2014

Still More Random Facts

By popular request or something: 8 more, more or less random facts about me that you have a reasonable chance of not knowing. Feel free to post yours! Just pick a number between 5 and 15, and post that many random facts. Or ask and I'll pick a number. Or ask someone around you. The first rule of this game is that there really aren't any!

Full disclosure: It's possible this was a Facebook post. It's possible this was not a Facebook post. After watching X-Men: Days of Future Past I realize it's possible that it both was and wasn't a Facebook post. I suspect Schrodinger's cat hates me. I hope he's not a Sentinel.

  1. I like most styles of music from country to rock to metal to big band to hip hop to western swing to... but even in the genres I generally loathe (opera, pop) there are always gems I love. Caveat: If Slim Whitman is a genre, I haven't heard anything I liked.)
  2. If I like a song or album, I may well just put it on repeat.[4] Earlier this week I listened to U2's "Gloria" at least a half dozen times before putting _Under a Blood Red Sky_ on repeat. I once left the same CD in my car's player for at least three months, and listened to it on my thirty to sixty minute each way, every day I worked.
  3. In 1966 Aunt Betty (my Mom's sister) and her family came to visit. My teenaged cousin, Steve, had a 45[16] with the just released "Secret Agent Man". He played that non-stop[6] on the stereo morning to night, singing and playing his (or maybe Mom's) guitar, except when they made him stop for meals, or to watch the news or a ball game. I loved it but it drove my parents nuts. Dad claimed Steve wore out the brand new $10[2] diamond needle on the turntable.
  4. Even unloaded, guns and mind-altering things don't mix. During my hippie daze, a housemate brought a couple of lovely, old family rifles back after a trip home. While I'm pretty sure we were not actually high at the time, we were still impaired as it had become a way of life. When another housemate got home, we dove behind a sofa and chair. When he came into the room looking for us we jumped up with rifles aimed at him and yelled, "BANG!" He died on the spot. Or thought he had. He was tripping, and it seriously froke him out. Stupid idea. Don't do it.
  5. When I took that job as a paper boy[8] I really wanted to buy the previous route owner's Honda Cub 50 scooter, but Dad wouldn't let me. Nor would he let me get a ten speed. I ended up with Schwinn's[11] beefiest road bike, a single speed, with heavy duty baskets front and back. The baskets turned out to be a lifesaver, especially on Sundays when the papers were huge. The baskets would have looked stupid on a ten speed... but man was that bike a pig to get up some of those Augusta hills! On the other hand, my legs were in *great* shape after a few weeks.
  6. A friend with a route and I threw parts of our routes together. One of us had James Brown's[12] grandmother[13] as a customer[14]. We went down a gravel driveway past a covered stoop; the paper had to be exactly in the middle of the doormat or our manager would get a complaint, and the paper's attitude was that the customer was always right and the paper boy wrong-- even if the customer said they wanted to maul the paper boy for fun. Then we continued down the gravel drive, around a sharp corner, and out into a busy street. We did this at top speed, sliding the bikes like dirt bike pros, because this house included the biggest German shepherd I have ever seen. He loved to hide in bushes and attack. He hated boys on bicycles. I once (LONG after I was no longer a paper boy) fantasized that I should have let the dog bite me and sued; I'd have been set for life. But in reality the dog would likely have devoured me and the Schwinn. And the extra papers. There would ha ve been no evidence.
  7. My twin[15] brother Jon and I shared an apartment for a few months before Sharon and the kids were able to move to Austin. We were really into slingshots, BB guns, the predecessors to AirSoft, etc. We spent hours in the back yard shooting, starting with cans and working our way down to empty CO2 cartridges (the size of my middle finger) at ~20 feet. We got really good. When it was rainy we set up an indoor BB gun shooting range in the hallway. When I get one of my BB guns fixed, I am thinking indoor range again.
  8. As a geek and long time software engineer, it annoys me that an "8" next to a ")" turns into a smiley face in browsers. It also delights me.[1] It also annoys me that it does this in browsers but not in apps. That does not delight me.

NOTES [1] I was putting Easter eggs in things before we called them that. [3]
[2] Per the government's inflation calculator, today (2014-06-05) that would be $72.29.
[3] Yes, I sometimes number these as I add them, not in order of appearance.[5][7]
[4] See #3.
[5] Why, no, I don't get confused about these. Why?
[6] You did read #2, right?
[7] If you are reading these, raise your hand.
[8] In a previous "random facts" post; go read it after this one, if you haven't![9]
[9] Or else![10]
[10] Or else what? I have no idea. Or else you won't?
[11] Which my friends who had discovered lightweight, Italian, racing bikes called a "Schwine".
[12] Yes, that James Brown!
[13] Hopefully I didn't tell this story before. If so, let me know and I will throw in a bonus fact.
[14] We never saw the lady. Or Mr. Brown. Just the dog, and once, a housekeeper. She shook something at us because the paper was an inch or two off center, but at least she didn't call the paper.
[15] Twins born to different sets of parents in different cities in different years, but so what? It's what's inside the head and heart that counts. There, we're twins.
[16] That's a record, a thing with music on it, not a pistol!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Side Effects of Watching Winter Soldier in 3D Late at Night

The latest Captain America is, of course, intense. Watching it late at night in 3D intensifies that. How much? Consider the following truths:

  1. The only other guy watching the showing I attended sat down directly behind me, two rows back. I spent parts of the movie waiting for his garrote or knife attack.
  2. I felt the need to run full tilt through the exit doors to knock down whoever was waiting on the other side with drawn weapons.
  3. I needed to scan the parking lot on the way to my car.
  4. I might have flinched as I opened the car door, waiting for an explosion or attack.
  5. I wanted to tear out of the parking lot to not be an easy target like Fury's car.
  6. I really wanted an EMP to take out my house's outside lights so I could sneak in.
  7. I wanted to creep through my darkened house, stealthily closing blinds while staying out of view through the windows.
  8. I want as little light inside the house as possible.

I will say that some subset of these happened. I have (so far) not been taken by-- or even engaged-- anyone: SHIELD, Hydra, Wilco Sheriffs, or my neighbors.

It's going to be a long night.

Saturday, May 03, 2014

The Final (?) Chuys 5K

Bottled coffee because 6AM is early for me.
Half a banana.
5K in 35 minutes and change (official time unavailable so far). Slacker, I know. but I haven't been able to run much the last few months.
Krispy Kreme. Banana. Water. Reconnecting with old Chuys friends at different locations now.
Ibuprofen. Hot tub. Soreness abating.

The final (probably) Chuys 5K for the Special Olympics is gone. A good time was had by nearly all. A couple of little kids were melting down, but with that many people, that's not bad at all. Highlights:

  • People passing me, pushing single and double strollers with kids in them.
  • Tall, long legged guys, idling effortlessly past me. I never saw them again. They probably started actually running and went back in time.
  • One of them was whistling. A half mile into the race, he passed me, whistling a tune. like he was moseying without a care in the world. Cool moustache, too.
  • Two eight year old girls passing me, then slowing to a walk, not really out of breath. As I passed them, "You really gonna let an old guy beat you?" Thirty seconds later they passed me, grinning back until they were sure I saw them.
  • Big busted women passing me at a good clip, bouncing more than my belly did even when it was much bigger than it is now. They were clearly not wearing sports bras. That has to hurt, and it's not healthy. Don't do this.
  • A guy with at least 75 pounds on me, sweating, walking pretty fast the other way. "Yeah, I already finished." True or false? No idea. I assume it was true, and good for him.
  • Really nice cops doing traffic control. When we thanked them, they almost always thanked us back.
  • Sharon walked it, and knocked a few minutes off her usual time, probably because she was alone instead of walking with someone to talk to.
  • A mariachi band at the finish line. Playing Beatles tunes.
  • After the finish line, I met a lady who looked a few years older than me, with purple hair and a shirt to match. "I've never run one of these. I trained with an app; I never broke 54 minutes. Today I ran it in 41!" We fist bumped. I would have hugged her but I was a lot sweatier. (I probably should have offered.) You generally don't know what you're capable of until you try it for real.
  • We met the 14 year old daughter of one of Chuys top managers (now in charge of training and opening new stores). I recall the mom, Lisa, managing a Chuys while pregnant. The daughter now takes classes from two of Lisa's favorite customers from back then.
  • They raffled off a dozen or so prizes. A woman won a $250 gift basket. A couple of tickets later her husband won dinner for four at Chuys. Good day for them!
  • There was no booth with race times displayed or posted, and they couldn't declare winners. They'll do that later and notify them how to get their awards. Kind of a bummer, especially for those who came in from other towns for the race. (One year the winner of the 80-89 year old mens' bracket (who beat my best 5k time ever) had come up from Port Arthur. He had lived here back when there were only two Chuys on the planet, which is when I first moved here.)
  • It's always kind of a hoot to find out how many people a good deal older than me blew my time out the window.
  • Ditto kids. A few years ago some 10 or 12 year olds ran the whole thing in just over 12 minutes, if I recall correctly. I ran my first mile today in that time. My best time ever was over twice that.
  • A group of ladies in sparkly tutus and tiaras.
  • A dog in a bright blue tutu.
  • Whole families, from greats to grands to parents to kids, all running.
  • I didn't see any of my runner friends. That was a surprise.
Once upon a time, there were not many races in Austin. When Chuys started their 5K to support the Texas Special Olympics, there was maybe a race a month here, if that. Now there are often several each weekend. But the race takes a lot of time and energy to put on. So Chuys plans to come up with something different to help out the TSO. They'll probably expand the Thanksgiving Parade a bit as well.

Thanks, Chuys, for all you do. Thanks, Brooke and team, for the great work. Chuys: great food, great atmosphere, even greater people. You're awesome, and we love you, and all the Special Olympian and their families, friends, and supporters. Hugs for everyone!

Monday, March 24, 2014

Why Did You Fall in Love With Music?

William Robert (Austin's own Will Matthews) asked, "What was the song, band, or singer that made you fall in love with music?"

It was probably my Mom. My earliest musical memories are of her singing me lullabies.

Close your sleepy eyes,
My little Buckaroo.
The light of the western skies
Is shining down on you.
You know it's time for bed,
Another day is through...
So go to sleep,
My little Buckaroo.

Don't you realize,
My little Buckaroo,
'twas from the acorn that
The mighty oak tree grew?
Remember that your dad
Was once a kid like you...
So go to sleep,
My little Buckaroo.
The other early song I remember is this:
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,
Here comes my wagon, my wagon,
The men in the white coats are after me!
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,
Here comes my wagon, my wagon,
To take me to the funny factory.

Just like the nuts that fall,
I'm a little cracked that's all.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,
Here comes my wagon, my wagon,
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,
Here comes my wagon!
These are not the official lyrics, but they are what I remember... and since Mom is not here to correct me, they are correct.)

Other than that I just remember growing up with music; it was always an integral part of my life. I can't remember a time without it. Our house and car were usually full of music. Dad played piano, Mom sang, and records or the radio were at least as likely to be on as the TV. Most of us kids ended up in band, chorus, or taking lessons. (I played trombone and guitar.)

Some of my major, musical memories in my early years include:

  • Firestone and Goodyear Christmas albums
  • A boxed set of western (mostly cowboy) songs such as "Ghost Riders (in the Sky)", "Tumblin' Tumbleweeds", "Streets of Laredo", etc.
  • Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire": I first heard this at the age of 7. It was spring or early summer; we were on our way to church. I wanted my parents to turn it off. "We can't listen to a song about Hell on Sunday, going to church!" They laughed so hard dad almost had to pull over.
  • Around 4th or 5th grade I got my first 45 (a small record with one song on each side) as a prize at a YMCA fair. It was Jill Corey singing "Let it Be Me" and "Make Like a Bunny, Honey". At that age, I played the rabbity side a lot more.
  • Musical sound tracks to movies my parents went to see. I knew every song from movies like My Fair Lady and The Sound of Music. When I finally saw these movies decades later it was like being reunited with childhood best friends.
  • The New Christy Minstrels
  • Gilbert and Sullivan. 'Nuff said.
  • The Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show. I don't really remember the show but I remember being enthralled.
  • Theme songs to shows like The Lucy Show, The Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Mr Smith Goes to Washington, and of course Secret Agent. I can still sing, or at least hum or whistle, a crazy number of these. "My heart would be a fireball (a fireball), a fireball (a fireball) every time I look into your starry eyes."
  • In the summer of 1966, Mom's sister Betty Chappelle and her family visited for a week. My cousin Steve played the "Secret Agent Man" song (expanded from the TV show theme) from pretty much breakfast time til the news came on (when our parents would forcibly turn off the stereo), playing guitar and singing along. Dad swore he wore out the new diamond needle on the phonograph. This song has been part of m,y life's soundtrack since.
  • The Monkees! Between the music and the shows, these guys had a huge impact on my life. My friend Claude Thompson taught me to dance to their songs so I could go to my first sock hop. I fell in love with "Last Train to Clarksville" imagining a dance with Debbie Jones.
  • My parents bought a small house by ours (to rent out) that was full of thousands of books and records. I ended up with dozens and dozens of Motown singles and fell in love with the Motown Sound.
  • One of my sisters-- probably Kathleen-- gave me a single of Mountain's "Mississippi Queen" ("The Laird" graced the B side). I wore it out.
  • Eric Clapton, Alice Cooper (Killer), the Smothers Brothers... I remember listening to albums by these three back to back.
There's a smattering of what I grew up with. I still listen to almost anything besides opera. There are a few genres I can't listen to much of (rap, hip hop, Gnashville country, Coldplay), but if there's music, I'll give it a try.

What songs, artists / bands, or writers / composers influenced you? Why did you fall in love with music?

Monday, March 03, 2014

Quick Thought: Love of Learning

Someone posted a quote on Facebook:

If you are not willing to learn,
no one can help you.
If you are determined to learn,
no one can stop tou.

I completely agree. But there is a huge related discussion; I put it like this:

If the schools spent half the time helping kids learn and cultivating their innate love of learning instead of teaching to tests and beating that love out of them, we would have far less illiteracy and a far more productive (and happier) country.

Thankfully my parents fostered a love of learning in me that even bad schooling could not destroy. On the other hand, most of my teachers were good, the curriculum was decent to good, and the schools I attended gave the teachers a lot of leeway. We spent very little time on standardized curricula or tests.

Given what they have to deal with, I'm not surprised that so many kids today don't care about school. I realize there are far more societal problems involved, but in many ways today's schools are their own worst enemies.

As for me? Can't stop, won't stop... learning.

(Thanks, Eliezer Adrian Adame, for the inspiration!).

 

Copyright 2014 Triple R Publishing, Round Rock, TX. Feel free to quote so long as attribution is made. All other rights reserved.

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Fall Out Of... the Gap

Once upon a time, there were no jean stores that carried a cool selection of jeans. The GAP was born to remedy that gaping hole in the cultural landscape of the early 1970s. They carried the cool stuff from manufacturers big and small, even some nobody ever heard of at the time. Their prices were decent. They had some of the coolest commercials, using one of the coolest avant garde voices on radio: Dick Orkin, the guy who did "Chickenman" and "The Adventures of the Tooth Fairy", five minute radio comedies that were far more worth the time to listen than 97% of all TV comedies ever.

They carried other stuff, too-- shirts, coats, a limited but excellent selection of belts, jewelry, hats, and anything else your little hippie heart could desire.

Somewhere in there the gap faded off my radar. I didn't even know they were still around. At some point they made a half hearted attempt to woo me back with the familiar sounding "Fall... in...to... the GAP!" commercials. They got my attention, but somehow sounded lackluster and contrived. I ignored them a while longer.

Now the GAP carries mediocre, mass market, store brand crap. It's pricey as if they were designer jeans. It's become a horrible parody of itself. I don't recall the last time I heard Orkin's voice; I can't remember if they used him for the more recent commercials or not. It hasn't been that long since I was in a GAP store, though. I'm kind of glad I have no modern association between Orkin and the GAP. Blech.

Almost everything in there (at least in jeans) was GAP brand. The fit was atrocious. Their girl & woman jeans are coming to be known as Mom Jeans, the kiss of death for cool. Their mens jeans were hideous. I bought a blue jean jacket that was OK. Not great. It's starting to tear up, not lasting as long as a well made Levis or Wranglers would. Designer jean quality (fair) and prices (horrid) without the looks or fit.

No thanks.

(Thanks to Kayla Lankford for inspiring me to get this out of my system.

 

Copyright 2014 Triple R Publishing, Round Rock, TX. Feel free to quote so long as attribution is made. All other rights reserved.

Monday, January 06, 2014

Random observations, vignettes, & questions from Chicago...

I didn't expect a city this far north to react this much to a Canadian cold front (-25 wind chill at the moment, -40F or so last night). But when I walked to Target (1.4 mi each way), about half the restaurants seemed to be closed. The city was shut down today other than, I suppose, essential services. (The buses and trains were running.) Schools were open, but all absences were excused if the parents contacted the school. My god-daughter had to go to work, but nobody else showed up.

A big, fat pigeon eating by the sidewalk caught my eye. In the alcove between the business door and the (closed and locked) security gate, there were 15 - 20 pigeons eating; someone had left them food there.

I expected Chicago to be like big cities in the northeast, but it's not. It's cleaner, generally feels safer to this out of towner, and is overtly friendlier. There are lots of friendly people in, say, NYC, but as a visitor you might not realize this. Chicago folk have that neighborly mid-western thing going on. Businesses make you feel welcome, and other patrons are ready to talk. Cars often defer to pedestrians. Less people will reply to a howdy on the street than in Austin, but more than will reply (or at least nicely) in NYC.

There are a lot of good restaurants here. I'm uptown, and the prices are similar to downtown Austin, but it's a much larger city. And the food is excellent. The icons (Lou Manalti's, Portillo's) lived up to their hype, but there are so many fantastic holes in the walls! And lots of good coffee shops. Within a block of here are Ch'ava (coffee shop with good, interesting sandwiches) and Tiztal Cafe (incredible breakfast fare all day long, among other things). Nellsyn works at a new restaurant, Endgrain, that has been open six months and already featured on prominent foodie shows. I would love to have all three in Austin.

I haven't seen anyone "reserve" a parking space on the street by sticking a lawn chair or something in it, but apparently that's a thing. I guess if I spent a half hour shoveling out a space I'd like it back, too. There's no legal basis for it but it generally works. I hear tires can get slashed if you "steal" one of these spaces. Kinda rough on newbies!

We're in a third floor apartment. The radiators are centrally controlled, and come on when they want. It's too bad we can't turn them off, because the floors below us heat the place just fine most of the time, even in subzero temps.

The other night I tried opening the inner and outer windows to cool my room off a bit, but sirens regularly scream by within a few blocks, as they do in any big city. Leaving the outer (double pane) window open and closing the old, single pane inner window made a huge difference in temp, but still kept the sirens at bay. Odysseus[1] would be proud.

Speaking of radiators, these are the noisiest I have ever heard, If I'm almost asleep and they start snorting, whistling, wheezing, coughing, hissing, and humming (at times reaching 65 to 70 db) I have to stick a pillow over my head to escape the raucousness.

Overall I have been impressed with the CTA[2]. There was that one bus that wouldn't sop, and the other night a couple of train cars smelled like someone had puked in them (identical smells in two cars, just less pungent in one). Nobody on the train had smelled it before. As far as I know the cars do not have common air conditioning, so what was up with that? Stinky cleaner? Bulemic convention?

As frustrated as I get in Austin that you can't readily find shorts and swim suits all year long, it's almost insane that you can't find cold weather gear here at least throughout the winter. We're just getting into the really cold part, and some places have no snow boots left; the rest are picked over. Other stuff varies, but overall the selection is less than I expected. To Heck with the conventional garment seasons! Where are Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light, and his spoon when when I need them?

 

NOTES
[1] I started to write "Olysses". What's up with that?
[2] Chicago Transit Authority[3]
[3] The actual transit authority, not the band, or its sel-titled first album, still one of my favorites after all these years.

 

Copyright 2013 Miles O'Neal, Round Rock, TX. All rights reserved.