Sunday, March 02, 2014

Fall Out Of... the Gap

Once upon a time, there were no jean stores that carried a cool selection of jeans. The GAP was born to remedy that gaping hole in the cultural landscape of the early 1970s. They carried the cool stuff from manufacturers big and small, even some nobody ever heard of at the time. Their prices were decent. They had some of the coolest commercials, using one of the coolest avant garde voices on radio: Dick Orkin, the guy who did "Chickenman" and "The Adventures of the Tooth Fairy", five minute radio comedies that were far more worth the time to listen than 97% of all TV comedies ever.

They carried other stuff, too-- shirts, coats, a limited but excellent selection of belts, jewelry, hats, and anything else your little hippie heart could desire.

Somewhere in there the gap faded off my radar. I didn't even know they were still around. At some point they made a half hearted attempt to woo me back with the familiar sounding "Fall... in...to... the GAP!" commercials. They got my attention, but somehow sounded lackluster and contrived. I ignored them a while longer.

Now the GAP carries mediocre, mass market, store brand crap. It's pricey as if they were designer jeans. It's become a horrible parody of itself. I don't recall the last time I heard Orkin's voice; I can't remember if they used him for the more recent commercials or not. It hasn't been that long since I was in a GAP store, though. I'm kind of glad I have no modern association between Orkin and the GAP. Blech.

Almost everything in there (at least in jeans) was GAP brand. The fit was atrocious. Their girl & woman jeans are coming to be known as Mom Jeans, the kiss of death for cool. Their mens jeans were hideous. I bought a blue jean jacket that was OK. Not great. It's starting to tear up, not lasting as long as a well made Levis or Wranglers would. Designer jean quality (fair) and prices (horrid) without the looks or fit.

No thanks.

(Thanks to Kayla Lankford for inspiring me to get this out of my system.

 

Copyright 2014 Triple R Publishing, Round Rock, TX. Feel free to quote so long as attribution is made. All other rights reserved.

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