Saturday, April 28, 2012

Impersonalizing Suicide

A blogger I follow recently discussed visiting a psychiatrist and having to fill out a (poorly thought out and worded, at that) suicide questionnaire. You know, like when you visit a new doctor, and they want to know whether you have ever had polio or Chron's or amnesia, and when your last booster shot for political insanity was.

I'm not a professional counselor, psychiatrist, or even a professional psycho (I'm strictly amateur) but I have dealt with a number of suicidal and depressed people, and the mere fact that a doctor relegates the initial discussion of suicide to a written questionnaire is very disturbing. What's next, an online Survey Monkey survey on suicide so they can decide whether to grant you an appointment?

Maybe they should use an automated telephone survey.

"Press one if you have never contemplated suicide (in which case we know you're lying).

"Press two if you are just sort of contemplating suicide.

"Press three if you contemplate suicide a lot.

"Press four if you have a suicide plan.

"Press five if this plan involves shooting up a school or flying a plane into a government building; then hold while we dispatch a SWAT team.

"Press six if you have a gun in your mouth right now.

"If you have already committed suicide, please hang up and call nine one one. To hear these options again, press star."

I realize that depression and suicide are not joking matters. If you are feeling suicidal, contact me. If you're in the Austin area, we'll hug you and love you through it. If you aren't, we'll find someone where you are who will.

This method is not approved by any licensing body, as far as I know, but it has a high rate of success.

Sometimes we may need professional help... but I've seen love work miracles. Even if you need professional help, love and hugs are still good.

2 comments:

Esther said...

When I was trying to find a psychiatrist in San Antonio who would see me after I got out of the hospital the first time with PostPartum Depression, the nurse I spoke with at one office took information pretty much like the phone menu you laid out, said they'd call me back, and then called back later to inform me that the doctor "wouldn't see me". Boy was THAT helpful to my mental/emotional state. /sarcasm

You've really hit the nail on the head. Mental health care is sadly lacking in the United States. The screening for PPD that you get at the OB/GYN's office and the pediatrician's office after having the baby is the same way. It asks about symptoms, half of which aren't exactly self-explanatory if you've never dealt with anything like this before, and is totally impersonal. Depending on who looks at the questionnaire (assuming someone goes over it with you, which they are supposed to but don't always do), someone "going over it with you" can feel just as robotic and unhelpful.

I love your prescribed method though! Accompanied by the appropriate professional care, it *can* do just as much good as medication.

roadkills-r-us said...

I was borderline manic depressive for a while. I know that the love of my family and friends made a huge difference.